Baby Fever

I'll admit it, the thought crosses my mind multiple times a day. I have baby fever! What I wouldn't give to hear that newborn cry again, so tiny and new. To smell the sweet baby skin, to hold a little bundle of joy in my arms, I crave it. I long for those chubby little legs and the late night feedings, the endless piles of blankets and bibs, every bit of it. I'm prepared for the sleepless nights and the bags under my eyes, I don't care about those things, I just want another sweet baby to smooch!

We all know that isn't going to happen, so today at the park, I took time to just sit and watch each of my three beautiful children. They have developed their own personalities, so different from each other, and it's absolutely fascinating. They have lots of things in common, they're all very polite, very compassionate, and they love each other very much. The relationships they have with each other are enough to bring me to tears, they make me so proud. I hope to be not only their mom, but their best friend one day. After all, they get their best qualities from me.

I know you can't see her face in this picture, but Laila is a thinker. She's constantly lost in her own thoughts, a world where she's comfortable, and free. I wish, sometime, just for a minute I could see what she sees. She's grown beyond her years, diabetes will do that to a child. The responsibility that lies on her shoulders is greater than that of most adults, and I know she can handle it. She is the oldest, and acts like she's a grown adult! I have to remind her, constantly, to be child! Go play, enjoy being carefree and irresponsible! Make a mess and clean it later. Laila would rather read a book, draw a picture, or practice school work. She reminds me of myself at her age, with her nose constantly stuck in a book.

I can only dream of being as happy as Kenadi is. This child has not a care in the world, and she is as free as a bird. Her thoughts fly to the furthest away planet and back again, and her imagination is inspiring. She is creative and mothering in a way I hope she sees me. She gets so lost in play, she forgets what she was doing half the time, she's the total opposite of her big sister, and a true middle child. She is a big sister to her brother when Laila's at school, but when Laila comes home each day, she worships the ground Laila steps on. Watching her today reminded me just how gentle and precious she really is. I have to remind myself not to rush her to grow up.

Dustin, Jr. is everything I never knew I always wanted. He took my breath away the second he arrived, and he continues to do so every single day of my life. I never dreamed having a son would be like this. After two girls, I wasn't prepared for dinosaurs, trucks, or Buzz Lightyear, but I couldn't imagine my life without it. He is very OCD, very routine and structured, he would watch Toy Story (1, 2, or 3) on repeat if I allowed it, and he is only affectionate on his terms. Today, he played alone almost the entire day, and it made me smile. Being the youngest, he spends his days sharing everything he owns, including me. Playing alone at the park meant he didn't have to share, he did his own thing and he loved every minute of it. I do my best to enjoy him to the fullest, because he's my last baby, and my only son.