Diabetes

Today, I decided to run to Walmart. I had a feeling all the black friday shoppers would be home sleeping after noon or so, so I took my chances, and Laila and I decided to pick up a few things. Food items for school, mainly, since she can't have the same things as other kids. We picked up plenty of sugar free jellos for snack, lunchables, and uncrustables for lunchtime. Let me rephrase that, she can have everything the other kids can, just with insulin. I do my best to make sure she doesn't need 8 shots a day, so buying sugar free and carb free snacks for lunch are "free" for her, and she doesn't need insulin. I do my best to make sure things are as easy for her as possible, and that means as few pokes in one day as we can get away with while keeping her healthy.

We were in line checking out, and she asked for something to drink. If you know me, soda is out of the question for any of my kids. Unfortunately, now, not always for Laila. She is allowed carb-free drinks, which excludes juice, as a "free item". I let her pick out a diet soda, and she chose Diet Mountain Dew, promising to share it with daddy. I knew she would, so I agreed. I reminded her before she made her selection, and she reminded me she knows she has diabetes and she's got it under control. Well, ok then. An older gentleman in line behind us overheard what she said, and told me how sorry he was to hear that. Laila and I both assured him she's just fine, and his sorrow is unnecessary. He told me he had a niece who died at age 37 of diabetes, but she didn't take care of herself. She was a type 2, and refused to lose the weight and get it under control. He also mentioned she had rhumatoid arthritis. Nice.

I figured he was just a grumpy old man, putting a damper on things, but he sure surprised me. He said he believes, in his heart, that one day there will be a cure. One day, little children like Laila wont need all the insulin, all the shots and finger pricks, all the extra unwanted attention. He said that God almighty wont let pretty little girls like her suffer. I was almost in tears, listening this old guy, and it got me thinking. Laila is so young, there may be a cure one day. We need to spread the word, spread awareness! Each year, more than 15,000 children, that's 40 per day, are diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in the U.S. Spending time away from their families in the hospital, scared and alone, missing the sounds and smells of home, I can only imagine what it's like. Please, don't let these children grow up to fast, help them preserve their childhood. If the only thing you do is get your child tested yearly, at least you're taking a step in the right direction. Every new case is more research, closer to the goal of a cure, one all diabetics need to stay alive.

Happy Bird Day!

Today was truly a blessing! We had a wonderful day, all 5 of us! The feast was delicious, the company was perfect, and the day still isn't over!

Little man enjoyed his first Thanksgiving, tasting baked beans and sweet potatoes. His outfit (thank you, Mariela!) was just adorable, and he's currently passed out on the floor, stuffed to the brim!

I really enjoyed cooking today, though I didn't make as much as I remember having growing up. I made a turkey and apple bread stuffing, gravy, macaroni salad, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, baked beans, cranberry sauce, and rolls. The left overs are going to be great this week! I love having cold turkey sandwiches and a big bowl of stuffing and gravy.

Everyone seemed to enjoy dinner, and Laila was even able to have a glass of sparkling white grape juice. She felt like such a grown up, making a toast and telling us what she's thankful for this year. Everything is cleaned up and football is still on-it just so happens Dustin and I are playing each other in our fantasy league today! Wish me luck!

Enjoy your turkey day, everyone! All our love!

Gobble Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I am so thankful for everyone who takes their time to read my blog, I know it's nothing special, but to me, it's theraputic.

Thanksgiving has always proven to be a difficult time for me, since my mom died things have never been the same. I have spent years trying to get things just like they were growing up, and something always fails. I have had help from my dad, sister, even my husband, and I still have felt like I would never be able to do it alone. This year, I have decided things need to change. My turkey is in the oven, my casseroles are in the fridge waiting to be heated, and the beer is icy cold. I did it, and I finally feel good about it. This year, instead of being sad and angry my mom is missing, I am thankful to be a mom myself. I had Laila help me rub the turkey down, I let her help stuff the turkey, and I even let her have a sip of my morning coffee. I want her to remember these days as being filled with love, happiness, and great memories, just as I look back on my childhood Thanksgivings.

Things in our lives have changed this past year so remarkably, I have many things to be thankful for. I have overcome the sorrow, the self pity, and the anger; I have found myself in a place where nothing is taken for granted. I have a new son, another child to shape and teach to become a fine young adult, to instill the values in we believe this world needs more of, and to share my love with. He brightens up my life every morning with his smile, and helps me to rest peacefully at night. My sweet Kenadi is another shining star; she tells me she loves me and I know she really means it, every hug and every smile. Her laugh is contagious and her heart is overflowing. Laila, my rock and my inspiration, falls nothing short of a miracle in my book. I am forever thankful for her health, diabetes is just another hurdle we will overcome as a family, it does not define who she is, nor does it slow her down. When I asked her what she was thankful for this year, she said she's thankful for a mommy and daddy who put her to bed each night. I asked her what it's like to have diabetes, and she told me all it means is she's a diabetic. She's not sick, there are plenty of children who are sick, she isn't one of them. Bless her, and what she brings to this family. She shows us all what we really need to be thankful for.

My husband, the love of my life, I am so thankful to have each and every day. He takes such good care of our family, working hard and long to provide for us. He is everything to me, he carries the weight of my burdens on his shoulders, and never complains. We are a team, not individuals. We are connected as one, not two separate people. Our lives have grown together in such a way that without him, I wouldn't know who I am anymore. What I am missing, he finds within him self to share, and his love will always be enough. He has been with me through the good times, and the bad, and with an "I love you," for every occasion.

My friends and family are not forgotten, as I am thankful for them as well. There are individuals out there who have lifed me up when I was down, wiped away my tears when I have cried, and helped me out in a pinch. I have confided in them, laughed with them, and have learned many things through those who care for me. I am so glad there are people out there who have taken the time to get to know me, even though the road hasn't been easy.

I am thankful for so many things, this list is just the beginning. Our freedom, those sacraficing for us and being without so we can have the things we need, are not without acknowledgement. The lessons my parents taught me I carry through with me in my life today. I may not have the best, but I make the best of what I have. This, I am thankful for, too. Happy Thanksgiving!

I Think I'll Move To Australia

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, too bad my name isn't Alexander, huh? This morning started off with a bang. Kenadi woke me up to use the potty, and as I was pulling her pants down she started peeing. Just what I like, pee on me at 6am when I have to be up in 45 minutes to wake Laila up for school. Fortunately for me, Dustin got up with Laila. That didn't last long though, Little D decided he was hungry and wanted to join the party. Kenadi dozed back off while I was making the bottle, so I thought I had it made, feed the baby, get him back to sleep, and catch a few more zzz's. Hardly what happened. After being peed on by Kenadi, Dustin Jr. just couldn't let that go, he threw up a good half a bottle all over me right in my bed.

I knew Little D had staying power, so I decided to run to the grocery store to pick up Laila's precriptions and a few things on sale. I picked up my things and headed to the pharmacy. The pharmacist had me pay for 3 boxes of lancets, didn't run it through the insurance company, then couldn't find my other prescription. Another woman came to help, and 20 minutes later we were back to square one. She finally managed to get things straightened out, and I headed for the checkout counter. It literally took me almost 30 minutes to ring up just a half a cart of groceries. The front service manager was the one ringing me up, I think I ended up with 6 or 7 receipts, and I was charged for items I didn't even purchase! Someone needs to reevaluate her position. By this point my little man was screaming, and I was almost in tears myself.

Once I arrived home and pulled my son out of his car seat, I discovered he left me a precious gift, all the way up his back! Lucky me! Before I could even change him, I received a call from Laila's school, her sugar dropped to a 42 and I needed to go pick her up. I picked her up and came home to find a load of poop in Kenadi's underpants, awesome! I managed to get everyone to take a nap, but some days I wonder if that really helps, or makes matters worse. The rest of the day followed suit, fights, screaming, crying, arguing, what a mess! For added fun, Qwest, the cable/internet company, shut my service off today. I sent my payment in via online bill pay, and they claim to have not received it. According to my bank, it was delivered 2 days ago. They sure managed to take my money with no problem, but somehow no one wants to claim it. I had to pay an additional $60 to get it back on, and once it was on, only half of it worked.

Dinner was a huge disaster, and while I was cleaning up and vacuuming, I blew a fuse and lost power in my bedroom, resetting the clocks and turning the fan off. Now my house smells like cow poop and I had to turn the air conditioner on. Bath time nearly flooded my bathroom, and if I have to clean up poop one more time I think I'll move to Australia. My house is messy, dirty dishes are still in the sink from this morning, and I ripped a brand new contact so I'm stuck wearing my glasses. What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I hear everyone has bad days though. Even in Australia.

K-Mart Jeans

In high school, I remember being ridiculed for not having the right clothes, the expensive make-up, the slim body, or the latest hair style. With that being said, I obviously wasn't part of the "in-crowd". Since high school, things have changed. I have moved away, married my best friend, had children, and overcome many obstacles that have made me the person I am today. I am over the petty drama, and I am no longer embarrassed to wear K-mart jeans, to admit I don't even own enough make-up for a night on the town, and I haven't worn my hair down in weeks, let alone wash it in a day or two. Please don't get the impression I don't care for myself or my apperence, I just have learned over time the clothes don't make the mom-it's kissing boo boos, holding puke bowls at 3am, showing up for school recitals, and just being there that makes me who I am, and important to who matters most.

Now that I have my confessions out of the way, I have fear for my children. I never can recall a moment when I was unhappy, unclean, or that I went hungry. I may not have had the best clothes, but what I did have was always neat, clean, and fit. My parents saw to it I had a bath every night, and dinner was always hot and home made. Dustin and I were talking the other day about Laila, she's only 5 and I can see the cliques forming, the expensive back-packs and the designer shoes. Her school has a dress code, but that just isn't quite enough. She doesn't want for anything, but one day she will. Will we ever be able to provide for her the top-of-the-line items she will dream of, or will she be like me and be happy with love in her life and materials wont matter much? My husband seems to think we'll continue to spoil our children, even if it means putting our own needs and wants to the back burner, but knowing what I know now, will it be worth it? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I will be able to figure that out on my own.

I am grown-up, high school is years behind me, and the cliques have disappeared. Would you believe one of the "popular" girls is one of my best friends-me, the band geek? The past is forgotten, the miles don't matter, and I am comfortable with who I am. She likes me for me, not for what clothes I wear, what kind of car I drive, or how big my house is. It's so refreshing to have built something out of nothing, taking time to get to know someone I dismissed as stuck-up, snotty, rich, and rude has proved to be one of the best things I could have ever done for myself. She is someone I shared the birth of my son with via facebook, someone who sent me a text right after her ultrasound to share with me she's having a boy, someone I can truly be myself with and someone I'm proud to know.

So, will my children be decked out in Abercombie and Hollister? Most likely not. Will they wear the newest shoes and have the expensive make-up you see on television commercials? My vote goes to no. If there are more people in the world like the friends I have made now, they wont need it. Their personalities will shine through and that is what matters.

Olive Garden

Last week we decided to treat the family to dinner at Olive Garden. It's a favorite of ours, Dustin and I usually sneak in there for lunch on our days out together without the kids. We went on a Friday night, expecting to hit a dinner rush, but made it just in time. We were quickly seated in a quiet area at the back of the restaurant, and accomodated with a high chair and baby sling. I was tickled pink until we met our server.

I politely asked him for a nutrition guide, I stated we have a diabetic in the family and I needed to refer to one before ordering. He came back and handed Dustin a "low-fat menu". I couldn't believe my eyes, and stated for him again we need a nutrition guide for everything served, not just a special menu, and the diabetic is my daughter. He summonsed a manager to drop off a nutrition guide, and she briskly passed by the table and dropped it off and kept walking.

We ordered and I went off to the bathroom to take Kenadi, and while I was gone, our server opened his big mouth. He claimed he knew all about diabetes since he has people in his family who have it, and he asked how Laila takes her insulin. Dustin told him we do shots in a syringe, not a pen, and he assumed Dustin was a diabetic too. Not only did he insult him with a "low-fat menu", but now assuming he's a diabetic as well, made a double whammie in my book.

Normally, because this was our first bad experience at a restaurant we love, I would have just let it go. But something kept stirring in my stomach the next day, so I decided to let them know. I logged into Olive Garden's web site and sent in a review of our experience. I left my name, number, address, e-mail address, and phone number; plenty of ways to contact me. Today, as I was standing at the check-out counter of Fry's grocery store, I received a phone call from Olive Garden.

I was asked a few questions, apologized to, and promised it would never happen again. I was told there would be a briefing and educational class for all employees on how to handle a situation with a diabetic, and I was pleased with that. The manager I spoke with assured me things were handled, and also let me know I would be receiving a $50 gift card in the mail. I couldn't believe my ears! My jaw almost hit the floor, what a surprise! He said they would like us to come back, this should cover almost 2 full visits, or one really great date night! I am now a firm believer in the "onion letter", and if I ever have another bad experience, I will be sure to let the company, in the most polite way as possible, how it went. In addition, I will be sure to give praise where deserved, but I will no longer keep my opinions to myself. Thanks for a great lesson (and dinner!), Olive Garden!

Chipotle, anyone?

I have been craving chipotle, and with the nearest one being around 20 miles away, it's not possible for me to have it. The kids are all sick and Dustin's always working, but that wasn't going to stop me! I made my own! And it was delicious!! The chicken wasn't exactly right, I don't have all the peppers I need, but the rice was awesome!! I made cilantro lime rice and it tasted just like the real thing, I couldn't stop eating it! Add a little shredded cheese and sour cream, and it was like a dream come true.

Dustin tasted it today, and he was thoroughly impressed. He noted the chicken was different, but the rest of it was exactly the same. Talk about saving a trip and a few bucks! Chipotle, anyone? Don't mind if I do.

Today

My poor Kenadi was sick last night, vomiting, the runs, a fever-the works. She kept us up nearly all night, I recall checking the clock around 5:30am and just sighing, thinking I would never make it through the entire day to come with just mere minutes of sleep. 7:00am rolled around, time to get Laila up for school, and my husband took care of it for me. It was a simple gesture, but huge for me. I may have only fell back asleep for a half hour maximum, but I felt like I could tackle the world when I did finally get out of bed for the day.

Unfortunately, Kenadi's little bottom had a different plan. She stopped vomiting this morning, and then the real fun began! She dirtied at least 20 pull-ups today! I was about to consider her potty trained, but today has just been a mess. Nearly every time she bent over she had an accident, it was terrible for everyone involved, take my word for it. My poor Kenadi, she took a couple bites of dry toast and drank a little powerade, but that's all I've allowed her today. She's still experiencing tummy troubles, but she's fast asleep.

This afternoon, thank heaven, she finally took a nap. While she was napping, Laila had a brilliant idea! She put "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" in the PS3 and we settled down to watch it. From the looks of it, I'm not the only one in the Smith family that enjoys that movie:

Laila couldn't resist his chubby cheeks and interrupted his movie pleasure, but it didn't look like he minded too awful much:

Thank goodness tomorow is a holiday, and Dustin will be home with me! Having another day like today might possibly put me in the looney-bin! I hope every military member, past or present, realizes their importance in each and every one of our lives. My heart goes out to them, and my deepest thanks.

Memories

Tonight, I watched my wedding video. I can't believe, at times, that it's been 4 years since that wonderful day. It's one of the best days of my life, hands down, and I cherish it very deeply to my heart. The scenery was beautiful, the flowers were gorgeous, the cake was perfect, and everything went off without a hitch.

I remember getting butterflies in my stomach, thinking the day would never come. Every kiss was one kiss closer to our first kiss as husband and wife. Every night meant one more day had passed, putting me that much closer to officially becoming Mrs. Dustin Smith.

That first kiss was one of many, the first song was the prelude to a lifetime of dances together, and the vows I made that day were meerly the tip of the iceburg. The promises I have made to my husband continue to reach far beyond the simple words we said that day. No one can predict how "thick or thin" things will get, or if the "better" will outweigh the "worse". Luckily for us, we have a lifetime together to find out.

3 Months

I know this post is late, my son is now 3 1/2 months old, but he manages to keep me busy enough I don't always remember what I'm supposed to be posting about!

He is growing like a weed, there is no doubt! The last time I weighed him, he was just over 14 pounds! He is a very big boy, he makes me so proud. He is smiling and cooing, and I can't tell if he's laughed yet. He smiles and coos and breathes heavy, and sometimes sounds like a laugh, other times it doesn't.

He is a rolling machine! He's so mobile I'm surprised he hasn't started army crawling yet! He rolls from stomach to back, and back to stomach, with no problems at all. He started rolling over around two months while he was sleeping, and now he's a pro. He rolls across the living room until he runs into the couch or the wall, and gets angry that he's stuck. He absolutely loves the bumbo seat, too. He sits in it and talks to himself, he's such a good baby.

Please, if you're reading this, resist the urge to climb through your screen and slap me. He sleeps so well at night, it's almost unbelievable. He sleeps on average, 12-14 hours a night, and he still takes a few good naps during the day. I haven't started him on cereal or food yet, though I plan to soon. I have given him a taste of a few things when we have been out and about, he seems to like refried beans and carrots! Just like his daddy, I guess.

The girls absolutely love him, they help feed him and talk to him when he's crabby. They are such a big help to me, I couldn't ask for a better family!

Here are some photos of my handsome little man over the past month:

Oh, how I love him.

Disconnect, or Favortism?

I sat down to write a card to Dustin's aunt, to which one, I will not say. Last night, as I was writing the card about how we're all doing and expressing how much we all miss her, I got to thinking. She sends us cards on a pretty regular basis, asking how the kids are and telling us how things are with her, but they're never addressed to me. Half the time, when my name is mentioned inside the card, it's misspelled. There must be some sort of disconnect going on, to just let these things slide.

I let my mind wander a bit and thought about the savings bonds and checks the girls have received for birthdays and other holidays. Again, not a single one has had my name on it. Every check made out to Dustin, every bond listing him as the adult, and every envelope in care of him. The most recent occurence was Laila's birthday, and, I hate to say this, her name was even spelled wrong. I was sick to my stomach at the mere thought of it, I thought for sure after 5 years they might just get it right.

Thinking back even further, certain things began itching in my mind. Birthdays when we lived back home, they were never equal. Laila and her older sister Riley had birthdays just over a month apart. Laila never quite received the same treatment as Riley, I suppose they all felt sorry for her having "two homes" so she got twice the presents. How that seems fair is beyond me. The excuses I heard were endless, my all time favorite was they had a better chance to bond with her since her mom left her with them for days at a time. As a parent, I always felt it was my job to keep my child home and safe, not to leave her with others for days on end because I "needed a break". I get my break when my children are sleeping, soundly in their own beds.

I can remember one incident, so vividly, when I had a talk with one of his aunt's about Riley's mom. I was told by one of her that no matter what, she'll always love Riley's mom, and every time she sees her, she makes sure to give her a hug and tell her she loves her. That felt great, right after our engagement, hearing basically how I'll never be the only one, I'll never be enough. Talk about playing favorites.

With the recent events of Laila's diabetes, I received numerous phone calls from many family and friends. One call in particular will always stand out in my mind. Dustin's aunt called and asked to speak with him, and though he refused many times, she called him anyway. She told me she felt she had to talk to him, since she's all he has. I have never felt more embarrassed, hurt, disgusted, and disrespected in my whole life. Thank goodness my husband told her the same thing, he didn't want to talk to her, and he had me. I just couldn't believe it when those words were spoken to me, I guess sometimes it takes people a phone call and thousands of miles to feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

Since that day, I've only spoken to one member in Dustin's family. Not that I hold this against all of them, but I feel so calloused and hurt. I feel as though I'll never be welcomed, fully. I've been there through the good, the bad, the ugly and the happiness, but for some reason, it's just not quite enough. I'm not sure that it ever will be, and I'm comfortable with that.

When you get married, have children, buy a home, this becomes your family. Your children, your spouse, they are the family you support through the bad times and laugh with through the good. You encompass yourself with those you love and cherish every moment with. Some individuals believe I ripped Dustin away from his "home", I forced him to leave his family behind. Others know the truth, we are in this together. Things have not exactly been easy, we have had our fair share of struggles, but never once have we ran home with our tails between our legs. We have each other, and through the thick and thin, that always seems to be enough. Maybe, one day, it will be enough for everyone else, too. Until then, I have said my peace, and I've picked my favorite.

Halloweenie!

Halloween went extremly well at the Smith residence! The kids and I went trick-or-treating and they really enjoyed it. I'm so glad by this time next year Little Man will be walking. Carrying him for that long was really killing my back. Here are a couple candids from our night

Laila the beautiful purple fairy

Lil Man the tiger

Boo Boo the monkey

The girls waiting for the goodies

Too much excitement for Lil Man!

I have been hearing and reading about the "Switch Witch", whoever had that AWESOME idea should get a million dollars. The "Switch Witch" visited our house, and thank God for small miracles, Laila thought it was totally cool. I let Laila pick out a small bowl of candy she wanted to keep, and the rest we left out in a big bowl for the "Switch Witch", she came by that night and took all the candy away and replaced it with a couple packages of Halloween colored pencils, toys, tic-tacs, and a Halloween coloring book. Along with it was a card for the girls, and they were tickled pink. That takes such a weight off my shoulders, it breaks my heart to tell my little angel face no, she can't have candy like the other kids, so this removed the obstacle completely. I hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween!