Thanksgiving

Reflecting over the last year, the things I have to be thankful for are bountiful. I have the most beautiful family, the most understanding husband, and everything in between. I must admit, this is never the life I had imagined for myself, but it is the life I love.

I would like to take a moment and remember all the things this year has blessed me with, starting with my husband. Every day my love for him grows; he works so hard for us to make sure we have everything we want and need, and never misses a beat. He has bought us our first home, a new car, a vacation home, and that's just the beginning. He has loved me through thick and thin, supported my every decision as a mother and a friend, and given me more love than I feel I will ever deserve. Ever day I am thankful to have him, and for our life together.

Laila is growing and learning more by the day. I am so thankful to have her in my life, she teaches me so much, even if she wears my patience thin at times. She now attends preschool where she learns to read, write, and make friendships; the example she sets for me is phenomenal. I love her hugs, her kisses, and her every, "I love you, mommy!" Without them, I'd be lost.

Kenadi is such a joy to have around the house. I am thankful every morning when I wake up for her smiles and her positive attitude. When the going gets tough, Kenadi smiles because she has no idea what is going on, and some days, that's just what I need. Watching her go with the flow, learning and growing by the minute, makes me feel so blessed to be a mom.

One last thing I have to be thankful for, and that is our new addition on the way. We have discussed having another one, tried to talk ourselves into it and out of it, and finally left it up to God. Now we are thankful for the new baby soon to come! We couldn't be happier, having another baby to add to our beautiful family is the biggest blessing I could have asked for this year. I am so happy to have a healthy, happy family.

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

Recipe for Love

Ingredients:

2 hearts, full of love

2 heaping cups of kindness

2 armfulls of gentleness

2 cups of friendship

2 cups of joy

2 big hearts, full of forgiveness

2 minds full of tenderness

1 lifetime together

Method:

Stir daily with happiness, humor, and patience.

Serve with warmth, compassion, respect and loyalty.

What I do not have, I can borrow from him; what he does not have, I will gladly share. There comes a point in your life when you really just have to stop pinching yourself and believe in your heart things are not too good to be true. When I was younger and dreamed of having these things, this life; it was only a dream, now my dream has become a reality and I still question how this happened to me.

There will never be words just right to thank my husband for all he has done for me. He has helped me create a family so beautiful, given me a house and helped me turn it into a home, and the respect he has shown me from day one is priceless. We have made decisions, some easy, some hard. Moving away, leaving our family and friends was hard, but making our own life here was harder. Ups and downs are part of any relationship, ours no exception, but I like to think he makes it easy to get through.

When he asks my why I love him, I find myself speechless. The list is endless, and near impossible to create. The laughter we share is healing to the soul; the tears are bonding. Hearing his voice first thing in the morning is what gets me through the day, a single smile could last me a lifetime. A gentle touch still makes my heart beat fast, and one kiss can melt me into a puddle. He has understanding and faith in me I didn't know was possible, compassion you only see in movies, and love for me I never knew could exist. Marrying my best friend was the best decision I ever made, I hope he feels the same.

Michigan, here we come!

December 1 we will make our first real trip as a family of 4. Michigan bound, we will make this trip come hell or high water. I must admit, I'm a bit scared to venture on an airplane with a one year old who has never flown, a 4 year old with ants in her pants, a husband who can sleep standing up, and myself, who gets sick and my ears pop every time we go up a big hill.

I am looking forward to seeing old friends and family, it's amazing what moving away can do for someone! I have been in touch with people I haven't talked to in years, and will be glad to see them and catch up. I miss my family terribly, knowing that I have a 14 month old baby only a few of them have even met, it makes my heart sad knowing there is so much joy she has not been able to spread to them. Bringing Laila back to see her Gramma and Paw-Paw is going to be so bittersweet, it's hard to explain to her why we can't stay. Our home is no longer there.

There are two people I still have not decided whether or not I should take my children to visit. The 2 grandmothers the girls will never meet, my mom, and Dustin's mom. I want to take Laila and Kenadi to the cemetery, tell them how wonderful these women were and how they have shaped who I am, and who they will someday be. I want to share stories with them, memories they will someday share with me, that I shared with my mom, and they will someday share with their own daughters. I know Laila will understand, but the burden of seeing me cry is so much for her little shoulders, I'm afraid. I am worried it will hurt her, she may be too young to see why I put myself through the pain and tears, that it's healthy for me to mourn, even though it's been years since I have.

This trip to Michigan is going to open a lot of doors, and give me a lot of closure as well. The time has come to move on, Michigan is no longer my home, it is just another stepping stone in the journey of life. I hope to open the door to many more friendships, and to rekindle the ones that have began to fade. I pray this visit will go smoothly, and remind me why I left in the first place. I want, need the closure with my mom, for myself and for my daughters. I need to know she's in a better place, I need to see it, feel it, encompass that she's gone, without this closure, I can never be the mother I want to be. I want to be just like her.