♫ Do you remember the 21st night of September...♫
The 21st of September was my mom's birthday, and I always remember. What makes that song unique is the other memory I have to go along with it. One holiday afternoon while setting the table, my brother, Mark, was singing. His beautiful voice filled the air with the words, "Do you remember..." and as they trailed off, my sister, Dawn asked him if he knew the other half of that phrase. We all turned our attention to her as she finished, "the 21st night of September...".
Once again, my mom had made her presence known in the strangest, yet most comforting, of ways. If I'm feeling sad, I listen to that song, and think of that day. Her birthday was always special, and will never be forgotten, and neither will she. I love the way her words, her experience, and her time spent influences my life still to this day. I may miss my mom, but I never miss the memories of her I hold dear to my heart.
Now that I am a mother myself, I hope to follow in her footsteps one day. For my children I want to be a mother, a mom, and a best friend. She may have left some big shoes to fill, but nothing is impossible as long as she is with me along the way.
September 30, 2010
Santa Rosa
Yesterday was the end of Laila's first full week at Santa Rosa Elementary, and I couldn't be a happier mom! She is doing so well there, and after the first day everyone knew her name. She's got such a bright smile, it's infectious. She walked right in on her first day and made such a great impression, even teachers she doesn't have know her.
The school she was previously going to, Sequoia Pathway, was giving me such a hard time about having someone trained to help with her insulin shots. I was getting frustrated and beginning to feel defeated. I tried meeting with the principal, Laila's teacher, office staff, and I even communicated with someone at the American Diabetes Association. I printed off copies of the laws and went in armed and dangerous. They kept beating around the bush, giving me excuse after excuse, and that just wasn't cutting it. The day came that I dreaded, Laila came home from school with a low blood sugar, she was shaking so bad she couldn't even test her own sugar levels, and no one called me. In addition to having to drive up to the school each day to check her sugar and administer her insulin, I also drop her off and pick her up each morning. When I got her home that day and her sugar was 68, I was furious. Her target is 150, she was so low she was feeling dizzy and looking pale. It's pretty obvious your blood sugar doesn't drop that low in a 5 minute car ride home, which leads me to believe no one paid any attention to her or her behavior for a solid few hours after lunchtime.
That very next day I set out to change things, Laila is too young to fight for herself and her rights, which left a big weight on my shoulders. Dustin and I do everything in our power to ensure our children have every opportunity possible, and we will stop at nothing to ensure they are in the best situation for them. I went to the Maricopa Unified School District office and met with the assistant superintendent, and within a few short hours I received a phone call from the head of health care for MUSD. Within minutes of that phone call, I had a meeting set up with her, the principal of the school, the RN at the school, and Laila's new teacher. I couldn't believe it, part of me wishes I had done that weeks ago.
It's hard to believe how quickly my prayers have been answered. When you put your problems in the right hands, you can never go wrong.
The school she was previously going to, Sequoia Pathway, was giving me such a hard time about having someone trained to help with her insulin shots. I was getting frustrated and beginning to feel defeated. I tried meeting with the principal, Laila's teacher, office staff, and I even communicated with someone at the American Diabetes Association. I printed off copies of the laws and went in armed and dangerous. They kept beating around the bush, giving me excuse after excuse, and that just wasn't cutting it. The day came that I dreaded, Laila came home from school with a low blood sugar, she was shaking so bad she couldn't even test her own sugar levels, and no one called me. In addition to having to drive up to the school each day to check her sugar and administer her insulin, I also drop her off and pick her up each morning. When I got her home that day and her sugar was 68, I was furious. Her target is 150, she was so low she was feeling dizzy and looking pale. It's pretty obvious your blood sugar doesn't drop that low in a 5 minute car ride home, which leads me to believe no one paid any attention to her or her behavior for a solid few hours after lunchtime.
That very next day I set out to change things, Laila is too young to fight for herself and her rights, which left a big weight on my shoulders. Dustin and I do everything in our power to ensure our children have every opportunity possible, and we will stop at nothing to ensure they are in the best situation for them. I went to the Maricopa Unified School District office and met with the assistant superintendent, and within a few short hours I received a phone call from the head of health care for MUSD. Within minutes of that phone call, I had a meeting set up with her, the principal of the school, the RN at the school, and Laila's new teacher. I couldn't believe it, part of me wishes I had done that weeks ago.
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| Laila ready for her first day at her new school! |
The meeting went so smoothly, I could hardly believe my ears! If you have ever seen the movie "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt, you might just know what I mean. There is a scene when Helen Hunt shows up at home and there's a doctor there, he orders tests for her son and says he'll have them back the next day. She's in tears, she just can't believe after jumping through so many hoops and bending over backwards for her son, thing could really just be that easy. I, myself, was in tears hearing how well they would be taking care of her. She was able to start the very next day, and they welcomed her with open arms. The first few days I was still a little nervous, so I drove up to her school around lunch time to check in on her, but now I have to beg her for a kiss before she leaves and the thought of visiting her is unheard of! The RN is amazing, she sends home her sugar and carb count each day and does such a good job helping her to learn and understand. Everyone truly has her best interest in mind, and a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
September 19, 2010
La Fiesta!
The mom's group has outdone itself again! Friday night, Mariela and her family hosted a fiesta to celebrate Mexico's independence day! There was amazing food, great company, and plenty of Tecate! The tiki torches were lit, the music was playing, and the food was quickly vanishing!
I had such a great time with my friends and their families, everyone is such an important contribution to the group, but it's usually just playdates and kids outings, so it's nice to see them get down and funky once in a while! The kids had a huge yard to play in, half the night I wasn't even sure where mine were! It was a blast, muy bien!
Here are a few highlights from the night:
Muchas gracias, Mariela! It was a wonderful night! I can't wait to see what this next weekend brings at mom's night in! Stay tuned!
I had such a great time with my friends and their families, everyone is such an important contribution to the group, but it's usually just playdates and kids outings, so it's nice to see them get down and funky once in a while! The kids had a huge yard to play in, half the night I wasn't even sure where mine were! It was a blast, muy bien!
Here are a few highlights from the night:
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Fiesta!   Elvia and Mariela  Elvia, Elvira, Diana, and Joli  Josie and Samantha   Irene and her daughter, Elvira and Brianna  Joli and Mariela  Josh smoochin' Lil D  This is as Mexican as I get!  Arianna, Laila, Allison, and Aidan |
The Best
Depending on who you ask, the definition of love varies. According to Merriam-Webster, love is attraction based on sexual desire; affection and tenderness felt by lovers. If you ask Oxford, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Princeton will tell you love is to be enamored with someone.
So, knowing what love "is", does everyone love equally? Do all couples love each other the same? Is everything 50/50, 100/100, or does some one always love more? I'm a believer that someone always loves more. That person may not always be the same, the days and years pass, and the roles can be reversed, but someone will always love more.
The other day, Dustin came home from work and from the minute he walked in the door, my mood went sour. No real reason why, but something just went off inside me and I was instantly angry, grouchy, and not feeling up to par. I'm still not sure what made me feel that way, but I like to think that mood has come and gone, though I found it haunting me in the car the following afternoon. Dustin and I were talking about my failed attempts at our relationship, and all the wrongs I've done. I've lied, cheated, broken his trust countless times, and he's still here. He still loves me. Then, like a slap in the face, it hit me. He loves me more.
The wrongs I've done were purely for my own satisfaction, I put myself before him, us, and our family. If I love him, how could I have done those awful things? My petty, cheap, "I'm sorry," isn't going to cut it. How I could have been so blind, I'll never know. This isn't me, this isn't right, this is despicable. To say I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and even remorseful would be an understatement. I look at my husband and wonder how he could possibly love me more. The answer is obvious, though at the reasoning, I draw a blank. The feeling in the pit of my stomach just wont go away. How do you come to grips with the fact that the person you love, loves you more; they make it look so easy. Just when I thought I had given it my all, I was hit with this realization, and I have the urge to fix it.
So, the real question is, how? I can't make myself love him more, I fall more in love with him every day, I just hope one day it's finally enough. This isn't a competition, this is a life long journey we are on together. I don't want my love to surpass his, knowing he loves me unconditionally is the best feeling in the world. I want to feel at ease, I want that comfortable, safe feeling to rush over me again and reassure me I'm giving it my best shot, I'm making the right choices, and in the end, we're as close to equal as they come. The comforting feeling of telling the truth, the relaxation that comes with not sneaking around and lying, I have felt these things before, and I am feeling them again now. I have always wanted the best for myself, but I have realized the best is what I already have.
So, knowing what love "is", does everyone love equally? Do all couples love each other the same? Is everything 50/50, 100/100, or does some one always love more? I'm a believer that someone always loves more. That person may not always be the same, the days and years pass, and the roles can be reversed, but someone will always love more.
The other day, Dustin came home from work and from the minute he walked in the door, my mood went sour. No real reason why, but something just went off inside me and I was instantly angry, grouchy, and not feeling up to par. I'm still not sure what made me feel that way, but I like to think that mood has come and gone, though I found it haunting me in the car the following afternoon. Dustin and I were talking about my failed attempts at our relationship, and all the wrongs I've done. I've lied, cheated, broken his trust countless times, and he's still here. He still loves me. Then, like a slap in the face, it hit me. He loves me more.
The wrongs I've done were purely for my own satisfaction, I put myself before him, us, and our family. If I love him, how could I have done those awful things? My petty, cheap, "I'm sorry," isn't going to cut it. How I could have been so blind, I'll never know. This isn't me, this isn't right, this is despicable. To say I'm embarrassed, ashamed, and even remorseful would be an understatement. I look at my husband and wonder how he could possibly love me more. The answer is obvious, though at the reasoning, I draw a blank. The feeling in the pit of my stomach just wont go away. How do you come to grips with the fact that the person you love, loves you more; they make it look so easy. Just when I thought I had given it my all, I was hit with this realization, and I have the urge to fix it.
So, the real question is, how? I can't make myself love him more, I fall more in love with him every day, I just hope one day it's finally enough. This isn't a competition, this is a life long journey we are on together. I don't want my love to surpass his, knowing he loves me unconditionally is the best feeling in the world. I want to feel at ease, I want that comfortable, safe feeling to rush over me again and reassure me I'm giving it my best shot, I'm making the right choices, and in the end, we're as close to equal as they come. The comforting feeling of telling the truth, the relaxation that comes with not sneaking around and lying, I have felt these things before, and I am feeling them again now. I have always wanted the best for myself, but I have realized the best is what I already have.
September 11, 2010
4 Days in PCH
I am not really ready to talk about this, but I will update everyone on what has happened in a factual manner. My feelings are still really raw and jaded, and I will never let them get in the way of taking care of my child. That being said, here are the facts.
Thursday afternoon (September 2) Dustin and I took Laila to the doctor for a check-up, she had been acting unlike herself lately. We have noticed gradually she has become more tired, ornery, and things didn't feel right. There were times she could barely keep her eyes open, and after 3 days of watching her struggle to eat, play, and be normal, we decided it was 3 too many and have things looked into. The doctor agreed she sounded heat exhausted, she is playing outside 3 times a day at school in 100+ degree temps, and she's been drinking lots of water and using the bathroom often. Thank heaven they didn't just let it go, they did a lab workup and tested her blood count, sugars, and thyroid.
Friday morning after I came home from grocery shopping I saw the doctor's office called me back to give me the results of her labs. It was confirmed Laila is a diabetic, her sugar levels were coming up over 500, which is dangerously high for someone her age and size. In addition to her losing weight, she has barely been eating and her little body has been working in overdrive to keep her safe. I had no idea, she's been the picture of health, she's never had more than a cold or sniffles, this was a complete shock to everyone.
We met with numerous nurses, two doctors, and a nutritionist. Everyone confirmed Laila will live a long, happy, healthy life, just one where her body depends on insulin her pancreas doesn't produce. So from that day forward, she will forever be an insulin dependent diabetic. Otherwise known as a type 1 diabetic. She receives at least 5 shots a day, one for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime, all fast acting (NovaLog) insulin, and one additional bedtime shot, a 24 hour slow release (Lantus), to help her highs not be so high, and her lows not be so low. At each meal time and bedtime, her sugar levels are checked, and corrected, and her carbs are covered to ensure her body breaks them down and uses them properly. She's doing very, very well and taking things one day at a time.
I will leave you with this last little bit:
Thursday afternoon (September 2) Dustin and I took Laila to the doctor for a check-up, she had been acting unlike herself lately. We have noticed gradually she has become more tired, ornery, and things didn't feel right. There were times she could barely keep her eyes open, and after 3 days of watching her struggle to eat, play, and be normal, we decided it was 3 too many and have things looked into. The doctor agreed she sounded heat exhausted, she is playing outside 3 times a day at school in 100+ degree temps, and she's been drinking lots of water and using the bathroom often. Thank heaven they didn't just let it go, they did a lab workup and tested her blood count, sugars, and thyroid.
Friday morning after I came home from grocery shopping I saw the doctor's office called me back to give me the results of her labs. It was confirmed Laila is a diabetic, her sugar levels were coming up over 500, which is dangerously high for someone her age and size. In addition to her losing weight, she has barely been eating and her little body has been working in overdrive to keep her safe. I had no idea, she's been the picture of health, she's never had more than a cold or sniffles, this was a complete shock to everyone.
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| Laila in PICU |
Dustin had to pull her out of school and rush her to the Phoenix Children's Hospital emergency room. They admitted her and confirmed her blood sugar was still over 400, and they wouldn't feel comfortable until it was between 100-200. They set her up with an iv and started solution to get her feeling better, unfortunately, she could'nt eat. She was moved to the picu for the first night, where they checked her sugar levels every hour on the hour to confirm they were successfully dropping. Once she was able to eat again, they started administering her insulin shots to correct her blood sugar and to cover her carbohydrate intake. They moved her to a regular hospital room, where she spent 2 more nights.
We met with numerous nurses, two doctors, and a nutritionist. Everyone confirmed Laila will live a long, happy, healthy life, just one where her body depends on insulin her pancreas doesn't produce. So from that day forward, she will forever be an insulin dependent diabetic. Otherwise known as a type 1 diabetic. She receives at least 5 shots a day, one for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and bedtime, all fast acting (NovaLog) insulin, and one additional bedtime shot, a 24 hour slow release (Lantus), to help her highs not be so high, and her lows not be so low. At each meal time and bedtime, her sugar levels are checked, and corrected, and her carbs are covered to ensure her body breaks them down and uses them properly. She's doing very, very well and taking things one day at a time.
Her time in the hospital wasn't easy for anyone. Dustin barely left her side, other than to shower when I was there and to pee while she was sleeping. I had to make the hard choice to leave her and come home to care for Kenadi and Dustin Jr. Lots of sleepless hours and thousands of tears were shed, and I know I spent plenty of time wallowing in my sorrows and feeling sorry for myself, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one. I had to watch her drag an iv machine behind her to pee, struggle to hold a crayon with tubes coming out of her hands, and cry when she knew another shot was coming. She's grown up in the last week, it's amazing, to say the least. She is testing her own sugar, helping me portion foods and count carbs, and her understanding is far beyond her years.
I will leave you with this last little bit:
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| Laila enjoying a carb free snack |
Laila, Dustin and I walked down to the cafeteria one afternoon to share a snack. There were a few display tables out with tri-fold project boards out and "shining stars" featured on each. Many kids made the"shining stars" board, which made me smile. All of those kids had one thing in common: cancer. Each child was photographed and wrote a little bio. Laila asked about the kids, and I did my best to explain in the most honest way possible. Those children were very, very sick, and may never get better and might never be able to go home. One day soon they will go to heaven, and their families will miss them very much. Like her, they never did anything wrong, and no one is mad at them, they are very loved and cared for. She took a few minutes to digest it, and though she moved on, she didn't forget a word I said.
Later that night, after I went home, Dustin tried explaining to Laila that she is, in fact, sick, even though she may not look or feel it. She needed to be in the hospital so she could be cared for and the nurses and doctors were there to help her feel her best. She responded like this: Daddy, I'm not sick, I get mosquito bites (shots) and I feel fine. There are other kids here who are sick, not me. The compassion radiating from her little 5 year old self is unlike anything I've ever seen. I can proudly say, she is my hero, I will continue to look up to her and strive to be like her every day. Who ever said your kids don't teach you things was wrong, Laila is the best teacher I will ever have.
Now that she is home, she doing great, the differences in her attitude, eating habits, and her body are amazing. She has put on abot 3 pounds already, which is making up for the 5 or so she lost. She is looking forward to going back to school on Monday, she misses her normal, daily routine. It's great to have her back to her old self, every day I thank God for her second chance.
Thank you all for your prayers and support. It will forever be appreciated.
Kenadi Turns 2!
Yesterday was Kenadi's second birthday. I can hardly believe she's grown so fast. She's turning into such a smart, sweet, beautiful little girl! She's a typical middle child, there's no doubt about that! She's doing quite well in the role, much better than I expected. I do my best to make sure she's not pushed to th back burner because she's not the oldest and she's not the baby. She's still my baby, and that's what counts.
Last night we invited a couple friends over to enjoy some cupcakes with us and open a few gifts. Nothing major, she has no idea what's going on anyway. She got a new pair of jeans, a new baby stroller, sunglasses, pajamas, flip flops, and a new cup. This morning, we brought the big gift out. She got a Tinkerbell 4 wheeler, and she LOVES it! She cried when we took it back outside, unfortunately there's just not enough room in our house for her to ride it around in here.Don't be fooled, the cute exterior isn't all it's cracked up to be! The terrible 2's have rooted themselves deep and lately she's become quite a pistol! Everything sets her off, from her cup being empty to not being able to hold her baby brother every time she wants to. She's got some adjusting to do, no doubt, but she's still as sweet as can be. I am so proud to be her mommy, she teaches me something new every day. Watching her carry around her baby dolls, kissing their little heads and wrapping them in a blanket, just confirms to me I am setting a great example for her. In turn, that means she'll set a great example for others. Mission accomplished. ♥
September 08, 2010
JDRF
Help cure diabetes! Walk for the cure! Join our team, bring family and friends to show your support!
October 30, 2010 at 9:00 am is a 5k walk to support diabetes awareness and research. Please, join us and show your support. Enjoy the warm weather, the company, and the warmth you will feel spreading the word. If you plan to walk with us please register at this site: http://walk.jdrf.org/register.cfm?id=87783592
I will be starting a new team this year, if you decide to walk with me, please let me know your shirt size and who you are walking for!
If you would like to make an online donation to help support the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and help me to reach my personal goal, donate at this site: http://walk.jdrf.org/support.cfm?id=87783592
If you are a diabetic, have one in your family, or just know someone who is, please, make a pledge! We can do this, together!
Recently, we were astounded to find Laila is a diabetic. She's a type 1, and in intensive treatment, which means she receives more than 3 shots a day. Being just 5 years old, a diagnosis of diabetes has turned her world, and ours, upside-down. After 4 days in the hospital, Laila is doing great, thanks to everyone's support, donations, and prayers! I want nothing more than to raise awareness of diabetes! We never thought this could happen to us, but it did. It could happen to you, too.
There are many ways you can donate: time, monetary donations, thoughts, prayers, and spreading the word. And most importantly, get yourself and your family members tested. That's just the beginning, and a step in the right direction. Please, everyone, join me, and take that first step!
Spread the word, spread diabetes awareness!
Thank you!
xoxo,
Joli
October 30, 2010 at 9:00 am is a 5k walk to support diabetes awareness and research. Please, join us and show your support. Enjoy the warm weather, the company, and the warmth you will feel spreading the word. If you plan to walk with us please register at this site: http://walk.jdrf.org/register.cfm?id=87783592
I will be starting a new team this year, if you decide to walk with me, please let me know your shirt size and who you are walking for!
If you would like to make an online donation to help support the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and help me to reach my personal goal, donate at this site: http://walk.jdrf.org/support.cfm?id=87783592
If you are a diabetic, have one in your family, or just know someone who is, please, make a pledge! We can do this, together!
Recently, we were astounded to find Laila is a diabetic. She's a type 1, and in intensive treatment, which means she receives more than 3 shots a day. Being just 5 years old, a diagnosis of diabetes has turned her world, and ours, upside-down. After 4 days in the hospital, Laila is doing great, thanks to everyone's support, donations, and prayers! I want nothing more than to raise awareness of diabetes! We never thought this could happen to us, but it did. It could happen to you, too.There are many ways you can donate: time, monetary donations, thoughts, prayers, and spreading the word. And most importantly, get yourself and your family members tested. That's just the beginning, and a step in the right direction. Please, everyone, join me, and take that first step!
Spread the word, spread diabetes awareness!
Thank you!
xoxo,
Joli
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