400!

I amaze myself all the time when it comes to my stamina in keeping up this blog. I have finally reached 400 posts! Seriously, my life is pretty much out there for the world to see, and it feels so incredible. I want to use this post to let everyone know just how much I love my kids. Here are a few examples of why they are so darn adorable.

365 Photos 22-28

This is so much fun! Jessica, I'm glad we decided to do this together! This week, however, has not been the best, but I'm glad I remembered to snap a few photos throughout the chaos!

Kaylee, Kenadi, Laila, and Brooklynne feeding the ducks!
The calm before the storm (aka Kenadi's stitches)

Day after stitches were put in.
What a sad thing to wake up and remember. 

Yummy dessert and a movie!

Stitches day 4.

Kenadi did a 100 piece puzzle all alone,
only to find out the last piece was missing!

Laila, my sweet diabetic.
She was having a rough day hating her diabetes. 

The way we end our week with daddy home-dessert!

Stay tuned, another exciting week is on the rise! Lots of baking, fun, and family time on the way!

He Brought Me Peaches

Dustin and I were talking about our future this afternoon, just casually chatting about the things we want to achieve. We discussed moving, near and far, and what our options were. Arizona, aka the middle of nowhere, isn't where either of us dreamed of raising our family and growing old. Especially not in this drastic heat.

Where would we go, if we had the chance?

"Anywhere but here," seemed like the logical answer.

"Closer to family," was a close runner up.

"Back home," was not far behind.

What is it about Michigan that we miss so much? We could easily name a hundred reasons to leave, why we hated it so much and couldn't stand it one more second, but something keeps tugging at our minds, bringing us back to our roots. There are always the obvious answers: the beach, Bert's Breakfast Korner, family and friends-but that wasn't it. There is so much more, the finer details, the little things that get overlooked. We laughed together about the little coffee shops we would visit, the best Chinese food we had ever tasted-and how they would deliver late at night in the dead of winter, the wineries scattered throughout the local cities, and the fruit-you can't forget the fruit- that you could get at roadside stands in people's front yards. I've had some of the juiciest, sweetest fruits and vegetables bought from someone's homemade wooden fruit stand. These were some of our favorite things.

I was feeling content, happy to have experienced life as adults, even if for a brief amount of time, in Michigan. Some of our best memories took place there. Laila was born, we were engaged and married, and had our first place together. Then I remembered the time Dustin brought me peaches. As highly allergic to flowers as he is, I can only remember one time he ever brought me flowers, but I'll never forget the time he brought me peaches. It meant more to me than a pre-packaged pack of roses from the grocery store, more than a box of chocolates, or even a diamond. He saw the fruit stand one day on his way home from work, and knew they were my favorite. Just picked and ripe, beautiful and delicious, he selected them just for me. I can picture him picking them up to smell them, making sure he took just the right container, all the while keeping me in mind. The smile on his face when he brought them inside and handed them to me, it was priceless.

There it is. I finally put my finger on it. I was able to pinpoint exactly what I missed, and why: I miss the fruit stands, the apple orchards, the sun gently kissing my skin. My heart yearns for more moments like those, the little surprises that made me feel like I was on top of the world. Do I need to move back to Michigan to feel that way again? No, but I sure do miss those peaches.

Feeding the Ducks & Stitches!

Part of my New Year's Resolution is to say "yes" more to the kids. Sounds simple enough, but some days, it's so difficult I could scream. Yesterday, the kids asked to go to the park. I had some orders I was working on so I pushed it off until today, but this morning when they pounced on my bed and demanded I get up, I knew I had to deliver on that promise.

I figured I would make the best of having to get some fresh air, so I packed some bread to feed the ducks, snacks to keep us fed, and juices in case Laila's sugar was low. I brought along a blanket and a soccer ball, too. I had it all planned, it was going to be an awesome day! I even invited our friend Dayna along, with her kids Brooklynne, Kaylee, and Mandy! We played for hours, laughed, and had a great time.

Kaylee, Kenadi, Laila, and Brooklynne!

Dayna and Dustin

Kenadi!

Dustin and Mandy

Kaylee and Dustin

Laila

Brooklynne and Dustin

Everything was great! We had such an amazing time, I promised the kids McDonald's chicken nuggets for lunch, and was planning on taking a nap myself once the kids were down. I was grabbing my bag and starting towards the car when Kenadi screamed. It was one of those screams that makes your heart stop, because you know something is wrong. She stood up behind a cement bench holding her chin, and I hoped and prayed she only scraped it.

As she ran to me, the blood started dripping on her shirt, and I knew it was much worse. I lost it, completely and utterly broke down. Dayna had her kids take Laila and Dustin home with them, and she carried Kenadi to the car. I was in hysterics, she told me Kenadi would need stitches on her little chin, but you may as well have told me she just cut her own arm off. We took her to Urgent Care right here in Maricopa, and they only had us wait a few minutes. They cleaned her chin and assessed the need for stitches.

They decided she could get away with just three stitches. I told her she had to have three because she's three, and she said okay! She really just wanted a band-aid, she had no idea what was going on. They had to give her Lidocaine to numb it, and that really hurt. Hearing her scream broke my heart. Dayna held her arms and I held her legs, and they gave her multiple small injections to numb her chin. They let it sit for 20 minutes and came back to stitch it.

I wasn't sure I was going to be able to sit through her stitches, but I knew I couldn't leave her. She needed me. And I needed her. She was scared and wouldn't calm down, so I began to recite a song for her that's calmed all 3 of my kids during uncomfortable times: "The Ladybug Picnic". You know the tune, "1, 2, 3...4, 5, 6...7, 8, 9...10, 11, 12....ladybugs came, to the ladybug picnic..." The doctor, nurse, and Dayna all laughed, but it worked. She was able to stay still through the first two stitches with no problem! The last one caused a bit of trouble and she cried some, but she made it through with promises of a popsicle!

I took a few "before" pictures, I was so distraught, I didn't even think to take any of her stitches after it was over. I'm sure I will remember to take a few tomorrow and as it heals.

Pre-stitches #1
This is after the flushed the cut.

Pre-stitches #2
This one was after we cleaned the blood off of her.

Pre-stitches #3
This is after the lidocaine.

Post-stitches photo!
This is after they stitched her up.

It seems ridiculous, but she hardly cried through the whole thing! She just wanted "a band-aid for her owie". They didn't have any pretty or cute ones, so she settled for a regular one. We can remove it tomorrow and wash it after the band-aid comes off.

We went for ice cream with Dayna and her girls tonight, what a treat! I gave Kenadi some tylenol and sent her to bed smiling! I hope it heals quickly for my brave little girl! I'm so proud of her!

I will never be able to express the gratitude and thanks I have for Dayna and her family. She took care of me, my baby, and the rest of us with grace and ease. Without her, I wouldn't have made it through today. So, Dayna, if you stumble across this blog, know the special place you hold in my heart, and in Kenadi's.

Thank you.

5am Wake-Up

Dustin has officially started his new shift at work, and it's going to be an adjustment for everyone. I don't know when, aside from being sick, he has ever gone to bed before me. Last night, before 10pm, everyone was in bed and sleeping. Well, almost everyone. I was in bed, but couldn't sleep, so I read. I did crunches, and then I read some more. I watched the boob tube, and did a few puzzles. I looked through old photos, and watched my husband sleep. Something was keeping me awake, and I just couldn't figure out what it was. Now that the night is over, I like to think it was motherly instinct. When something's not right, you don't need an explanation, you just know it.

Finally, well after midnight, I drifted off to sleep. Dustin is now getting up at 4am to get to work on time, and his alarm startled me awake. After just a few short hours of fitful sleep, I was struggling to get comfortable again while I heard the shower running and the dresser drawers open and close. He kissed me goodbye and softly closed the door. I let out a deep sigh and prayed for a few solid hours of sleep before the girls bounced in to announce their presence. Seconds later, the door reopened. I figured he forgot his wallet or phone, I didn't expect the tone in his voice when he told me my son was screaming. At 5am. Really? Blast.

I grumbled something incoherent about being awake, and threw on my slippers. I made it as far as the kitchen before I realized something was wrong. My sweet baby, he was sick. Dustin retrieved him from his crib and began stripping his bedding. There was vomit everywhere, and my little boy was running a fever. I removed his clothes and scooped him up, and in my arms was where he stayed. I fought with his crib bumper for a full 10 minutes before finally getting it off, and started the washer. This was going to be the definition of a long night for the both of us. Once his bottle was warmed, I set my son down on the floor so I could remake his bed, and smiled to myself as I realized he wouldn't be sleeping there anytime soon. I wiped him down, changed his diaper, put him in fresh clothes, and to my room we headed. Infomercials and snuggles were all he needed, and within minutes he was sound asleep. I couldn't soak up enough of his wispy hair, his soft skin, and his sweet breath. If I squeezed him any harder, I would have started him awake.

Each day is a struggle, new obstacles and challenges present themselves around every corner. I like to think of those challenges as stepping stones to the major milestones we achieve, without the bad, I'm not sure we would appreciate the good nearly as much. As Dustin was walking out the door this morning, he told me what I good mom I am. I told him this is what I signed up for, the sleepless nights, the runny noses, the vomit and the dirty diapers; the endless stack of laundry, the dishes that are always in the sink, the bags under my eyes and the pure exhaustion. I'm not glad my son was sick, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to care for him, to have him fall asleep in my arms again now that he's outgrown that stage, and to know it's me he needs. That gratification will never go away, even when it comes in the form of a 5am wake-up.

365 Photos 15-21

I'm really glad I decided to take a photo a day. They're real, unedited, and a fun way to remember the events of my week!

Who doesn't love a good chocolate donut?

Pumped up. Starting Power 90!

Chocolate butter cream icing on my new
 Kitchen Aid whisk attachment!

The dryer monster stuck again.

This about killed my knees.
I love the captions at the bottom of this video!

Time for a site change for Laila's insulin pump!

My counters are so rarely this clean!
With as much as I bake and cook, it's always cluttered!
I couldn't resist taking a photo!

Stay tuned for next week!

A Year In Comparison

I was looking through old photos tonight, and find it hard to believe how quickly my kids have grown up. Right before my eyes, even! It's like I didn't even see it coming.

Just this month I took a photo of my 3 beautiful children together on a slide at the park, and afterwards, realized I had taken that same picture. To my surprise, it was a year ago! How did an entire year pass by already? Here are the 2 photos:

2011

2012

As long as we live here, I hope to be able to continue to take this same photo each year as they continue grow!

When It Rains, It Pours

I have had a rough few days, feeling lower than low. There haven't been many times in my life when I have felt like I was in a hole so deep I would never get out, but I'm pretty positive the bags under my eyes prove that's where I've been this last week. That cheap saying, "When it rains, it pours," really took on a whole new meaning.

I do my best, try my hardest, to keep money from ever being the root cause of my bad mood, and I refuse to ever let it be the basis of a fight in this house. I am eternally grateful for the work Dustin does to support us, and I will never, ever say what he makes isn't enough. It's always enough. It has to be.

The bumps along the way of life seem to feel more like mountains these days. Money has been tight, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's the reasons money are tight that get me going. Pardon me while I release some anger over these issues, but these are more than just mere examples, these are real issues in my life.

HOA fees are the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. We have no street lights, no community pool, and the community looks like a train wreck half the time. However, they insist we pay ridiculous amounts of money every month, this is a prime example of why I feel like I'm drowning.

I have a specific blog set aside for diabetes talk, but I don't have the time, nor the energy to access that tonight. So, I hate diabetes. I hate the late night blood sugar checks, the daily-yes, daily-calls from the school that make me feel like the nurse is tattling on my daughter, reporting Laila's high blood sugars like it's her fault, or mine. The supplies list grows every time we visit the doctor, I swear. I feel like there are less and less people I can trust to understand the true drama of this disease, myself included. This is me drowning deeper. 

I've been working out, busting my ass to drop a few pounds, and I got on the scale today. Up just over a pound! Seriously, this can't be happening. I have cut calories, I haven't had more than 1 soda or coffee in over two weeks, I've tried running, dancing, you name it-and I gain a pound? I know my scale is on the fritz, but I'm pretty sure it was dead on today. I started "Power 90" yesterday, and did it again today, complete with "Ab ripper" and I can hardly breathe. I don't know how I'm ever going to keep this up without a full body cast. Deeper and deeper.

We planned on taking a trip this summer, a real cross country trip-loading up the van, packing our bags, pulling out a road map and driving Route 66-the whole deal, and then life got in the way. Everyone needs something. A new pair of shoes. A haircut. Groceries. Gasoline. The mortgage is due again, didn't I just pay it? Honestly, it never ends. I wonder how I will ever afford something so massive as a vacation when I can hardly afford to keep my refrigerator stocked with milk every week. I'm sinking slowly. 

Just when I thought my lungs were caving in, my world shifted. A friend, an order, a business transaction, and I feel like I'm back in business. I can hardly wrap my mind around the kindness, the support of those who mean it is unbelievable. The trip is coming together, I began researching hotels today and planning a realistic budget! When life hands you lemons, bake lemon cupcakes and throw a party. Turn those lemons into something sweet! 

Sweet Dreams

Last night, I went to bed with the intention of finishing the book I'm reading, but couldn't focus. Next to me, the most handsome man was snuggled under the covers watching television. He didn't know I was staring, or if he did, he sure hid it well. I felt as though I couldn't get enough of his gorgeous face, like his beauty had never graced me before.

Sideways glances in his direction left me breathless, I tried to memorize every last detail, from the slant of his nose to the bow of his lips, from his eyelashes that go on for miles to his 5 o'clock shadow I've always found so sexy. I never dreamed I'd be so in love, so smitten, so happy.

I closed my book, kissed my husband goodnight, and cuddled into his arms. The butterflies in my stomach only kept me awake for a few short minutes, I knew I'd be seeing him in my dreams.

Rise & Shine

Today, there's an online auction going on in the City of Maricopa, and I'm proud to day I'm a part of it! Rise & Shine is a local, non profit school in Maricopa for students, struggling for funding to provide the basics for the needs of these children, they have started fund raisers. Today's auction is all food, and I'm thrilled to have been outbid on almost everything I've bid on!

Straight from the parents of these children, this is how they describe their school: Rise & Shine is a non-profit private school for special needs and gifted students in grades K-12, offering a year round schedule. No tuition is accepted; the program is funded through grants, scholarships, and donations.

I donated 3 separate items, a dozen cupcakes, a dozen cake balls, and an order of sweet rolls. Each item has a starting bid lower than the actual value, with the hopes of the items selling at a much higher price to raise additional funding. The goal is to provide iPads for the children who are in the most desperate need of help, those who are non verbal, or who have special needs and require additional help communicating.

I'm so happy to be in a position to donate, and to also be able to bid on some of the other items listed! I'm so proud to be a part of a community that pulls together for causes like this!

365 Photos 8-14

Another week has passed and it's time to post photos! This is turning out to be quite fun, I just hope it lasts!

The Girls enjoying a playdate, decorating Oreo Cookie Truffles!

Starting him out early!
My sweet son helping me unload the dishwasher!

My try at a chocolate chip cookie dough stuffed cupcake
complete with brown sugar buttercream and mini chocolate chips!

Watching Snow White.
The mirror on the wall is pretty terrifying if you're
3 and it's your first time seeing it!

Yes, it was 62* the second week of January.

Snuggling with my handsome little man.
Though he's way more concerned with saying "Cheeeee!!!"

My knees are killing me, so bad that I've been
using a heating pad  and taking tylenol AND ibprophen.
Thanks C25K!

I can't wait to come back in a few months and look through each week and remember the things we did each day!

Laila's Playdate!

It's so rare I ever invite kids over here anymore, I'm a horrible mom, I know. I have such a strict routine for the kids, I tend to not bring others around for fear things may get out of whack! I'm always fearful Laila's diabetes is going to get in the way of her reaching out and having friends, some kids get upset, scared, or even nauseated when Laila has to check her blood sugar, so it's something we've opted out of for a while.  I finally agreed to allow Laila to invite a friend over last Sunday. I'm glad she did, the girls had a blast!

These girls danced for a good hour at least!

So excited to be making Oreo Cookie Truffles!

Aubrey showing her Justin Bieber support!

The final, decorated product!

Kenadi is so proud! Notice how many LESS she has than Aubrey?

Snowflakes!

Silly girls!