5am Wake-Up

Dustin has officially started his new shift at work, and it's going to be an adjustment for everyone. I don't know when, aside from being sick, he has ever gone to bed before me. Last night, before 10pm, everyone was in bed and sleeping. Well, almost everyone. I was in bed, but couldn't sleep, so I read. I did crunches, and then I read some more. I watched the boob tube, and did a few puzzles. I looked through old photos, and watched my husband sleep. Something was keeping me awake, and I just couldn't figure out what it was. Now that the night is over, I like to think it was motherly instinct. When something's not right, you don't need an explanation, you just know it.

Finally, well after midnight, I drifted off to sleep. Dustin is now getting up at 4am to get to work on time, and his alarm startled me awake. After just a few short hours of fitful sleep, I was struggling to get comfortable again while I heard the shower running and the dresser drawers open and close. He kissed me goodbye and softly closed the door. I let out a deep sigh and prayed for a few solid hours of sleep before the girls bounced in to announce their presence. Seconds later, the door reopened. I figured he forgot his wallet or phone, I didn't expect the tone in his voice when he told me my son was screaming. At 5am. Really? Blast.

I grumbled something incoherent about being awake, and threw on my slippers. I made it as far as the kitchen before I realized something was wrong. My sweet baby, he was sick. Dustin retrieved him from his crib and began stripping his bedding. There was vomit everywhere, and my little boy was running a fever. I removed his clothes and scooped him up, and in my arms was where he stayed. I fought with his crib bumper for a full 10 minutes before finally getting it off, and started the washer. This was going to be the definition of a long night for the both of us. Once his bottle was warmed, I set my son down on the floor so I could remake his bed, and smiled to myself as I realized he wouldn't be sleeping there anytime soon. I wiped him down, changed his diaper, put him in fresh clothes, and to my room we headed. Infomercials and snuggles were all he needed, and within minutes he was sound asleep. I couldn't soak up enough of his wispy hair, his soft skin, and his sweet breath. If I squeezed him any harder, I would have started him awake.

Each day is a struggle, new obstacles and challenges present themselves around every corner. I like to think of those challenges as stepping stones to the major milestones we achieve, without the bad, I'm not sure we would appreciate the good nearly as much. As Dustin was walking out the door this morning, he told me what I good mom I am. I told him this is what I signed up for, the sleepless nights, the runny noses, the vomit and the dirty diapers; the endless stack of laundry, the dishes that are always in the sink, the bags under my eyes and the pure exhaustion. I'm not glad my son was sick, but I'm thankful for the opportunity to care for him, to have him fall asleep in my arms again now that he's outgrown that stage, and to know it's me he needs. That gratification will never go away, even when it comes in the form of a 5am wake-up.