I do my best, try my hardest, to keep money from ever being the root cause of my bad mood, and I refuse to ever let it be the basis of a fight in this house. I am eternally grateful for the work Dustin does to support us, and I will never, ever say what he makes isn't enough. It's always enough. It has to be.
The bumps along the way of life seem to feel more like mountains these days. Money has been tight, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's the reasons money are tight that get me going. Pardon me while I release some anger over these issues, but these are more than just mere examples, these are real issues in my life.
HOA fees are the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. We have no street lights, no community pool, and the community looks like a train wreck half the time. However, they insist we pay ridiculous amounts of money every month, this is a prime example of why I feel like I'm drowning.
I have a specific blog set aside for diabetes talk, but I don't have the time, nor the energy to access that tonight. So, I hate diabetes. I hate the late night blood sugar checks, the daily-yes, daily-calls from the school that make me feel like the nurse is tattling on my daughter, reporting Laila's high blood sugars like it's her fault, or mine. The supplies list grows every time we visit the doctor, I swear. I feel like there are less and less people I can trust to understand the true drama of this disease, myself included. This is me drowning deeper.
I've been working out, busting my ass to drop a few pounds, and I got on the scale today. Up just over a pound! Seriously, this can't be happening. I have cut calories, I haven't had more than 1 soda or coffee in over two weeks, I've tried running, dancing, you name it-and I gain a pound? I know my scale is on the fritz, but I'm pretty sure it was dead on today. I started "Power 90" yesterday, and did it again today, complete with "Ab ripper" and I can hardly breathe. I don't know how I'm ever going to keep this up without a full body cast. Deeper and deeper.
We planned on taking a trip this summer, a real cross country trip-loading up the van, packing our bags, pulling out a road map and driving Route 66-the whole deal, and then life got in the way. Everyone needs something. A new pair of shoes. A haircut. Groceries. Gasoline. The mortgage is due again, didn't I just pay it? Honestly, it never ends. I wonder how I will ever afford something so massive as a vacation when I can hardly afford to keep my refrigerator stocked with milk every week. I'm sinking slowly.
Just when I thought my lungs were caving in, my world shifted. A friend, an order, a business transaction, and I feel like I'm back in business. I can hardly wrap my mind around the kindness, the support of those who mean it is unbelievable. The trip is coming together, I began researching hotels today and planning a realistic budget! When life hands you lemons, bake lemon cupcakes and throw a party. Turn those lemons into something sweet!
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