It's been a while since I've blogged, and I'm still unsure of what to say. I feel like my daily life, though interesting to me, isn't what I want to be sharing with everyone. I want to break free, be me. I want to feel like an individual, not just a mom, a wife, or a sister. I want to break out of those categories, crush the mold, and figure out who I am and why I ended up here.
Walking through the grocery store this morning, I was just grazing through the aisles looking at rows and rows of selections, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, "Who am I? What the hell am I doing?" It was the most bizarre feeling, and I just can't seem to shake it.
Moving to a new state, making new friends, it's never an easy thing to do. Nearly 4 years have passed since we relocated to Arizona, and there are times I feel like it was just yesterday. I struggle to make friendships, I still get lost, I got my first sunburn of the year in February, and Dustin works more now than he ever has, and money seems to have further and further to stretch,.
Today started like any other day, Laila went to school without a hitch, Kenadi and Little D had breakfast and Dustin had to get ready for work. I went to Fry's and did the grocery shopping, and had some baking planned for this afternoon. My neighbor, and dear friend, Josie, agreed to keep Kenadi and Little D for an hour and a half so I could get a little more done around the house before school let out. I picked up Laila and headed over to Josie's to get the other two kids, I figured by that point she'd probably had enough.
I walked in to find Billie, Josie's sister, sitting on the couch. She had come to pick up Samantha for the evening and was waiting for her to get dropped off by the bus. The kids were all playing so well, I decided to hang around for a while. Watching Josie and Billie hang out, talk, and just play around made me homesick. I still have moments when I feel so alone, and even mentioned those feelings today. Josie and Billie laughed and said they'll be my family, so I never have to feel like I don't have anyone. Truly, they're both like sisters to me. I ended up cooking dinner and we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening laughing, joking, and enjoying each other's company. I love how we all have something different to bring to the table.
When I need a cup of sugar, a babysitter in a pinch, or just someone to blow off some steam to, I'm glad to be able to walk down the street and see Josie's smile. Holidays are tough when you're closet family member is 300 miles away, and your phone doesn't ring all day, not once. It's difficult not to feel alone. Josie, and her family, have made me feel like I belong. I have somewhere to go, someone to love me, and a place to feel welcomed. It takes days like today to remind me I'm not so alone, and that family isn't only who you were born to be close to, but your friends-they're the family you choose for yourself.
To say I'm thankful is an understatement. I know things aren't always easy or consistent, but the one thing I know I can count on is knowing there will be more days just like today. Days when the sun shines, the kids laughter fills the air, and I'm in good company. I love for those moments, and days like today.
