Happy Birthday, Dustin Jr!

Today is my son's birthday. It's so hard to believe another year has flown past me. Time seems to go by faster each year, it's amazing watching Dustin Jr. as he learns and grows, and becomes such an important asset to this family.


This morning, I took a minute to stand in the kitchen and just watch my family. I learned back against the sink and sipped my Coca-Cola and listened to my kids laughing and playing, and my heart was just bursting with love for them. It seems as though the pieces are coming together and locking into place. I wonder sometimes how I have been so fortunate to have such an amazing family, a house to call a home, and such love to hold the pieces in place.


One year ago, when my son was born, I had no idea the trials and tribulations we would have to overcome, but with each other, we've surpassed them all. Weighing in at 7 lb 9oz with blue eyes and peach fuzz hair, my son seemed perfect. He passed all screening tests with flying colors, and smelled like heaven. Never did I dream something could be wrong, but when the pediatrician walked in with a strange look on his face, I knew he wasn't as perfect a I thought. There was a sacral dimple on my son's back, a little hold above his butt, and that was the beginning of my nightmare. It tooks months before we finally had answers, even if they weren't the results we were hoping for. Dustin Jr. needed spinal cord surgery.


With the staff at Phoenix Children's Hospital we knew Dustin Jr. would be in great hands. He recovered quickly and is doing better every day. He continues to amaze me, when he laughs and smiles I melt. He's got me wrapped around his pinky finger, and I'm positive that's never going to change. I never knew how badly I wanted to have a son until he was finally here, and now, life would never be the same without him.


Dustin now has 4 teeth, two on top and two on the bottom, and his smile is that of a total heartbreaker! I often wonder if he's going to grow up thinking his name is, "Handsome" instead of "Dustin", because that's all I ever find myself calling him. This past week he has ripped the nipples off of two bottles with his teeth, and I'm reminded why I chose not to nurse! He doesn't like sippy cups, I truly believe I've tried one from every brand out there, but when he's ready, he'll make the switch. There are days I wonder where he puts it all, my son can eat like a champ! He is wearing 12-18 months tops and 12 months bottoms, and he's very tall. I tell him all the time if he looked any more like his daddy I'd have to whoop him. It always gets a good laugh. His favorite games are "So Big!" and peek-a-boo, and I will stop at nothing to get him to laugh.

Each day brings new and exciting obstacles, and I can't wait to see where life takes us. I am so proud to have Dustin Jr. for my son, and I hope one day he feels the same way about having me for his mom. Even if he can't tell me yet, I know he loves me. Trust me, the feeling is mutual.

Catching Up

I suppose this post should be about catching up on everything I've failed to blog about lately, though I'm not sure it's all that exciting. What is exciting, however, are the events coming up soon! My life has been hectic and busy as of late, and that's just how I like it! Still, it seems to be getting more action-packed by the minute.


This week I thought my orders had slowed down some, but they keep on rolling in. Thank goodness for all my loyal customers, I appreciate each and every one of them. They keep me afloat just when I think I'm sinking. I'm still positive I'm in over my head, but it's a great feeling. I had a customer call me this morning for an emergency order due by this afternoon, and it came out fabulous! She tipped me a few bucks and gave me a hug before leaving with a huge smile on her face, and that was worth all the hard work I put into it. I really hope everyone is enjoying my baking as much as I enjoy doing it.


In just under a week my son is going to be 1 year old. It's so hard to believe how quickly time has flown by. I still haven't lost the "baby weight" from his pregnancy, I rarely have time to brush my hair, and half the time I'm not sure what day it is. I traded in my Equinox for a family van, my vacation plans have been postponed another 20 years, and I constantly have someone asking me for something. Needless to say, I haven't been happier. My life is so bright because of his smile, and his laughter is contagious. He's the light I never knew was missing. He gives the sloppiest kisses and the sweetest hugs. Never did I ever dream the day would come that I would have a son, and now that he's here, I can't imagine a second going by without him.


Saturday, just one week from today, our lives are taking yet another crazy turn! Our foreign exchange student, Evelien, will be arriving in Phoenix! The next 10 months are going to be intense, and I'm looking forward to every minute. I hope she enjoys her time here, and she feels part of the family. I'm sure there will be bumps along the way, but what's a roller coaster ride without a few twists and turns?


As if one new person in Maricopa isn't enough, my friend Andrea is moving here, too! I couldn't be more excited, my face hurts from smiling just thinking about it! What a fabulous adventure this is going to be, I just hope the heat doesn't scare her away! August is the hottest month of the year and she's going to start out with some seriously high temperatures. The best part about all this: Andrea will potentially be one of Evelien's teachers! How ironic! As they say, it's a small world after all.

Brandi's Visit

This past week has flown by me in such a whirlwind, I don't even know where to begin. Between cranking out cake balls by the dozen to laughing until I was in pain, I had the time of my life.

My niece, Brandi-Lyn, came to visit me this past week. After what seemed like a lifetime of let-downs, her trip was finally booked! A month of waiting and the day finally came! She was here and I could hardly believe it. I wish I could share the moments with everyone, but I consider myself pretty selfish. The smiles, laughter, food, movies, and memories we shared were special, and I consider myself privildged to have shared them with her.

Years ago, I never dreamed of having the relationship with her that I have now. I don't consider those years time missed, wasted, or lost; I consider this time now as special. It can only grow, prosper in itself, and make me a better person. I feel comfortable with her in a way I haven't felt comfortable with another person in a long time. My secrets are not judged, my life is my life, and she's nothing but proud of what I have to show for myself.

There's no secret when it comes to my family's feelings about me. Jealousy, anger, rage, and distrust to name a few. So how is Brandi so different? She's none of those things-she's trustworthy, genuine, wholesome, and fun. She's happy for me, she's proud of who I am and she's taken the time to get to know me, and loves me for me. At my worst, she's still one of my biggest fans. She's incredible. This past week, I feel as though our relationship blossomed even more, and through the joy she brings out in me, my friendships with others have grown, too. Talking things out, just hearing myself say the things I've been too scared to ever admit to myself, opened doors I never knew were closed, cleared windows I never saw to be dusty, and casted a light into my soul.

I still refuse to disclose the information of our week, it was so happy and fun. Maybe one day, but not today. However, I will leave you with this...

Not my chair, not my problem.

5 Year Photos

Dustin and I just recently celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary. It's hard to imagine sometimes that five years has passed me by so quickly. I wonder where the time has gone, and I look around and smile. I see a house we've made a home, 3 beautiful children, and my husband. The time has not been wasted, but cherished.


For our anniversary gift, my friend Wendy took photos for us. They turned out lovely, and choosing my favorite was difficult to say the least! Here are a few of my favorites.

The Beast is Back!

The van is back! I'm so excited to report the general manager of the dealership managed to pull quite a deal out of thin air, and I am officially the owner of a 2001 Dodge Grand Caravan! We ended up putting no money down, and my payment is less than $50 more a month for a vehicle that comfortably seats 7 people instead of 4-5! It's beautiful inside and out, and fits the needs of our family perfectly. Maybe now, with a vehicle like this, we can make that trip cross country like we've always wanted!

I filled it today and realized it gets about the same gas mileage as my Equinox, and has close to the same size gas tank. I'm so estatic to drive it, and if "Sweet Eats" stays busy, I may just make it to my 10 year reunion next summer after all. Michigan, I'll be seeing you!

Sink Bath

The other day I gave Dustin Jr. his first bath in the kitchen sink. I am surprised to report he absolutely loved it!! Laila never really had the opportunity to try it out when she was a baby, and Kenadi despised it, so when I played with my son for twenty minutes with the water, bubbles, and a cup, I was beyond thrilled.

I managed to capture a few good smiles without embarassing him, I hope you enjoy them!

Cake Balls!

Where the heck have I been lately? I feel so out of the loop, I have no idea what's going on in the news, or with my friends even! I have been chained to the kitchen baking cake after cake, mixing frosting after frosting, and rolling out more cake balls than I can even count! Thank goodness, that means business is good!

This past week has flashed by in a whirlwind, just like the week before! The orders, I thought, had slowed down. Boy was I wrong! It seems as though as soon as one comes in, they all come in at once! I agreed to make 3 dozen cake balls for an anniversary party, 1 dozen of each of 3 flavors. What in the world am I going to do with all that cake? Make more cake balls, of course! So for 2 days I have been in the kitchen almost nonstop, but it's paying off! It's unbelievable how anxious people are to get their orders, but it's exciting and I couldn't be more excited. One of my dreams is truly unfolding before my eyes!

I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow, it's Kenadi's last week at summer dance, I have a meeting for AYUSA in Phoenix, and a birthday party to attend. All 3 overlap, which is a bummer, but I'll figure something out! I just hope the kids behave long enough to get through it all with no major meltdowns.

Last night one of my friends, Ashley, came over to watch "Remember Me". It was a good movie, and the ending really shook me up! I had no idea it was going to end like that! Having someone come over and just talk, share a few sodas and no gossip, it was so refreshing! I have just a handful of friends, and finding "kid-free" time to spend with them that doesn't cut into the few hours of daylight a week I get to spend with Dustin isn't exactly easy. Lucky for me, she is able to come at night and doesn't mind my mess of a house!

A few days ago, Dustin went to the dealership to trade in my car for a new van. He came home with a SPECTACULAR van, out of this world even! Things were great, he signed all the paperwork and thought it was a done deal. Today, the dealership called and let him know everything was approved, and to get him to the payment promised, he'd now have to put down $1650!! Are you crazy? So, the van is going back. No skin off my back, I've driven it once! It's gorgeous, and I'd love to own it, but apparently it's not in the cards right now. Things will happen when they're supposed to happen, and that is that. So, tomorrow I will get my Equinox back. Honestly, I do miss that car.

Lastly, I must ask a favor. There is a little boy in our community that went in for surgery to remove a brain tumor today. He's 4 years old and his family is very scared he will not return to his normal self after the surgery is over. If you pray, please, say a prayer for him. Keep Jeremiah, his parents, siblings, and doctors in your thoughts. In a time like this, prayer is the only answer. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Calling All Cars...

Lately, I just haven't been feeling like doing much of anything. I don't want to write, I haven't been reading before bed, I don't even want to bake. I've been in a funk and I need to get out of it, and fast! I hate feeling like this, the desire to do everything is gone. The need to get up every day, shower, get dressed, and spend time with my kids- it's not there. I don't want to wake up one day and regret spending my life wasting away on the couch while my kids laugh and play without me, but I just can't seem to get motivated.

My OCD is challenging me again. This afternoon I felt lower than low. Unlike most OCD where people touch something a certain number of times or obsessively wash their hands, I pick. And pick. And pick. And honestly, it hurts. I scratch at my skin, pick my cuticles, and pluck my hair. Most of the time I don't realize I'm doing it, and once I realize what I've started, I can't stop. In the car today I found a tiny piece of skin on my finger that needed to go, heaven forbid I leave it alone, and I ended up pulling skin off the entire side of my finger next to my nail. It was bleeding and hurt so bad, but I just couldn't stop. I asked Dustin to put a band-aid on it for me, and I felt so embarrassed as he shook his head when he saw what I had done.

Last week, with no real recognition of doing it, I scratched the back of my head until it was raw. My finger nails were covered in blood and my head was burning so badly I was in tears. I had to have Dustin brush my hair for me, I couldn't bring myself to touch it. I hate what I'm doing to myself, I hate what I am. It's uncontrollable, and frightening.

Maybe, one day, there will be a cure for this that doesn't require popping pills every day that make me so exhausted I can't move my arms or legs. I can't be this. I can't do this anymore. I have to find a solution to keep me from harming myself, but how? Someone, somewhere, please help.

Calling all cars...

What a week!

I can't believe an entire week has passed since I launched "Sweet Eats" by Joli! It's been amazing, to say the least! My feet hurt, my back is killing me, I can't see a single counter in my kitchen and the refrigerator is a mess-success! I've been cranking out cake balls by the dozen and I'm loving every second! My friends and family have been super supportive during this new adventure, it hasn't exactly been easy, but it's been a lot of fun, and hopefully this is just the beginning.


Next week will be the last week of summer classes at the dance studio, it's bittersweet. I love having the girls enrolled there, they look forward to class each week, but at the same time, it'll be nice to have a couple of weeks where we have no where to be! The new fall schedule is released tomorrow, I'm very excited to enrolling them in new classes. Kenadi will take a "Rising Stars" class for her age group, just a couple of little girls learning to dance, how cute is that? It makes my eyes water every week watching how much she enjoys it. Laila is still deciding what she wants to do. Unfortunately, we can't afford the "unlimited" package ($2,000 for the dance year August-May) which would allow her to take as many classes as she wanted, so I am letting her pick 2. It's still a bit out of our budget, but I think she deserves it. She does great in school and helps a lot at home. Right now she's finishing up the summer cheer class, and today her teacher stopped me to let me know how awesome she's doing! I was concerned, Laila doesn't let on much about how things are going behind those closed doors, she never practices in front of me and she never talks about it. Ms. Beth said she's got great, strong legs and arms and she listens and catches on very well. I was so proud! Laila is leaning toward jazz/funk and cheer for her two classes, though hula is an option we haven't explored yet! We'll save that for another day.


Wednesday my little man turned 11 months old! I can hardly believe how time has flown! It's time to start planning his first birthday party! What a trip! He brightens my life every day with his sweet smile and his adorable little laugh! Yesterday we sat on the floor together for nearly 20 minutes playing with the vacuum cleaner! I took the hose off and let him explore sticking his fingers in it and sucking up the side of his diaper, he was laughing so hard he could hardly breathe! It was so much fun, I love seeing the world through the eyes of a child.


One of my most favorite people is coming to visit me in less than 2 weeks! My niece, Brandi-Lyn will be here for an entire WEEK! I can't express how excited I am, and the gratitude I feel toward her for taking the time, energy, and money it's going to cost and spending it on me. I hope you enjoy your time here in Arizona, even if we can't go outside without melting! I have things planned to do around  the valley that are mostly indoors, and we even get to celebrate my birthday together! What an awesome surprise it was to hear she'd be here to ring in another happy year with me! I have a feeling my jaw is going to be so tired from laughing and talking by the time she leaves! I am forever homesick, and this little slice of home is really going to brighten my spirits.

In less than a month Evelien, our exchange student, will be arriving in Phoenix! I can hardly wait to meet her and to share our lives with her! We have a lot of things in common, and I'm sure we're going to get along great! She's a type 1 diabetic, like Laila, and I think they'll be a great support system for each other. I look foward to a sneak peek of what life will be like 10 years from now-prom, sports, school, friends, the life of a teenager with diabetes. We have decided to do a little re-arranging in our house before Evelien arrives, a bit of a surprise to her. We are switching the girls' room from the very front of the house to the spare room just off our living room. We ordered doors last week and will have them in hopefully next week! I thought it would be a nice surprise for her to have her own room, her own bathroom, and be able to have some privacy. I think having the girls closer to our bedroom will give me more peace of mind too, I hate them being so far away at night.

Today, Laila has an appointment at Phoenix Children's Hospital. We're going to learn about an insulin pump and possibly order hers today! They said it would be 2-3 weeks after our "class" until we get one. I imagine we'll have some literature to go over and we should be able to play with one and get a feel for how it all works, how to apply it, and remove it. I know there are certain restrictions such as swimming, bathing, and things of that nature, and I'm curious to learn about how it will impact her activities.

For some reason today I can barely keep my eyes open! It could be the fact I've been up until nearly 2am lately, I just can't seem to sleep. My ocd is getting bad again, and it's frightening. I have trouble turning my mind off, and I feel like I'm physically out of control at times. Must keep chugging along though, orders await me in the "Sweet Eats" kitchen!