Thanksgiving

Reflecting over the last year, the things I have to be thankful for are bountiful. I have the most beautiful family, the most understanding husband, and everything in between. I must admit, this is never the life I had imagined for myself, but it is the life I love.

I would like to take a moment and remember all the things this year has blessed me with, starting with my husband. Every day my love for him grows; he works so hard for us to make sure we have everything we want and need, and never misses a beat. He has bought us our first home, a new car, a vacation home, and that's just the beginning. He has loved me through thick and thin, supported my every decision as a mother and a friend, and given me more love than I feel I will ever deserve. Ever day I am thankful to have him, and for our life together.

Laila is growing and learning more by the day. I am so thankful to have her in my life, she teaches me so much, even if she wears my patience thin at times. She now attends preschool where she learns to read, write, and make friendships; the example she sets for me is phenomenal. I love her hugs, her kisses, and her every, "I love you, mommy!" Without them, I'd be lost.

Kenadi is such a joy to have around the house. I am thankful every morning when I wake up for her smiles and her positive attitude. When the going gets tough, Kenadi smiles because she has no idea what is going on, and some days, that's just what I need. Watching her go with the flow, learning and growing by the minute, makes me feel so blessed to be a mom.

One last thing I have to be thankful for, and that is our new addition on the way. We have discussed having another one, tried to talk ourselves into it and out of it, and finally left it up to God. Now we are thankful for the new baby soon to come! We couldn't be happier, having another baby to add to our beautiful family is the biggest blessing I could have asked for this year. I am so happy to have a healthy, happy family.

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

Recipe for Love

Ingredients:

2 hearts, full of love

2 heaping cups of kindness

2 armfulls of gentleness

2 cups of friendship

2 cups of joy

2 big hearts, full of forgiveness

2 minds full of tenderness

1 lifetime together

Method:

Stir daily with happiness, humor, and patience.

Serve with warmth, compassion, respect and loyalty.

What I do not have, I can borrow from him; what he does not have, I will gladly share. There comes a point in your life when you really just have to stop pinching yourself and believe in your heart things are not too good to be true. When I was younger and dreamed of having these things, this life; it was only a dream, now my dream has become a reality and I still question how this happened to me.

There will never be words just right to thank my husband for all he has done for me. He has helped me create a family so beautiful, given me a house and helped me turn it into a home, and the respect he has shown me from day one is priceless. We have made decisions, some easy, some hard. Moving away, leaving our family and friends was hard, but making our own life here was harder. Ups and downs are part of any relationship, ours no exception, but I like to think he makes it easy to get through.

When he asks my why I love him, I find myself speechless. The list is endless, and near impossible to create. The laughter we share is healing to the soul; the tears are bonding. Hearing his voice first thing in the morning is what gets me through the day, a single smile could last me a lifetime. A gentle touch still makes my heart beat fast, and one kiss can melt me into a puddle. He has understanding and faith in me I didn't know was possible, compassion you only see in movies, and love for me I never knew could exist. Marrying my best friend was the best decision I ever made, I hope he feels the same.

Michigan, here we come!

December 1 we will make our first real trip as a family of 4. Michigan bound, we will make this trip come hell or high water. I must admit, I'm a bit scared to venture on an airplane with a one year old who has never flown, a 4 year old with ants in her pants, a husband who can sleep standing up, and myself, who gets sick and my ears pop every time we go up a big hill.

I am looking forward to seeing old friends and family, it's amazing what moving away can do for someone! I have been in touch with people I haven't talked to in years, and will be glad to see them and catch up. I miss my family terribly, knowing that I have a 14 month old baby only a few of them have even met, it makes my heart sad knowing there is so much joy she has not been able to spread to them. Bringing Laila back to see her Gramma and Paw-Paw is going to be so bittersweet, it's hard to explain to her why we can't stay. Our home is no longer there.

There are two people I still have not decided whether or not I should take my children to visit. The 2 grandmothers the girls will never meet, my mom, and Dustin's mom. I want to take Laila and Kenadi to the cemetery, tell them how wonderful these women were and how they have shaped who I am, and who they will someday be. I want to share stories with them, memories they will someday share with me, that I shared with my mom, and they will someday share with their own daughters. I know Laila will understand, but the burden of seeing me cry is so much for her little shoulders, I'm afraid. I am worried it will hurt her, she may be too young to see why I put myself through the pain and tears, that it's healthy for me to mourn, even though it's been years since I have.

This trip to Michigan is going to open a lot of doors, and give me a lot of closure as well. The time has come to move on, Michigan is no longer my home, it is just another stepping stone in the journey of life. I hope to open the door to many more friendships, and to rekindle the ones that have began to fade. I pray this visit will go smoothly, and remind me why I left in the first place. I want, need the closure with my mom, for myself and for my daughters. I need to know she's in a better place, I need to see it, feel it, encompass that she's gone, without this closure, I can never be the mother I want to be. I want to be just like her.

This is home.

Home is where your story begins, and I believe our story has truly started here. We have come to a point in our relationship, in our lives as a couple and as a family, when I think we have all realized this is home. I have come leaps and bounds from where I was just a year ago, and it's so rewarding. I have people I can call my friend, I have places to go, things to do, and it's liberating. I see friendships growing not only for myself, but for my children, and for that, I am proud.

Home is where the heart is, and each night, I rest my heart here. I can go to sleep each night knowing I have done all I can to provide the best I can for my family, to make them as happy, healthy, and safe as a mother can. We have come a long way as a couple, starting out in a tiny apartment we could barely afford, to now owning our own home and having 2 beautiful children who love us unconditionally. I believe we have not just grown as individuals, but as a whole.

There's no place like home. Try as I might, I will never forget the smells of the fresh leaves, the taste of the lake breeze, or the sounds of children giggling while the are picking apples and sneaking a big bite, but these are only memories. Michigan, you will be missed.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Laila's Birthday Party!

Laila's birthday party was a total success! We had so many friends to celebrate with, plenty of food and cake, and lovely gifts! I couldn't have asked for a better turnout, and I want to thank everyone! Laila loves all of her presents, there isn't one she hasn't played with yet!

Moving here and making new friends has been a struggle for me, therefor, friends are absent for my children. I feel so great now knowing I have friends I can count on, and Laila feels like she has true "best friends" she can play with, celebrate with, and grow with.




Thank you everyone who came along! We really enjoyed ourselves, and hope you all did too!

All our love!

My mother's daughter

My life is simple. I go about my daily grind, pouring bowls of cereal, changing diapers, seeing my husband off to work, when suddenly it happens; for a moment my whole life changes. I might catch a scent of her old perfume, touch something that once graced her hands, or maybe use one of her old recipes to prepare dinner for my family. I never know when it's coming, when she's going to remind me, but when she does, it brings back a memory and my heart is flooded with sadness.

Tonight I sat and watched a movie I was positive would bring her back, if only for a second. I knew it was sad, I told myself to change the channel, but the pull was so strong, I just couldn't bring myself to pass up the opportunity to remember her, if only for a brief minute. Now that it's over, my tears could have flooded the Gila River, and my heart feels a twinge of hope. Up until now, I have been the most selfish daughter, but I feel like she understood, and may have been selfish as well.

I recall one incident in particular, that stands out in my mind so strongly, because it was just the two of us. There are days when I reminisce and feel my stomach fall to my feet, other days, I couldn't be more proud. One afternoon, I remember how frail she was, she was so sick sitting up was a challenge, but I just spoke without thinking; my only request seemed so simple. One hug. After letting out a sigh, my wish was granted. I wanted nothing more than to have her hold me, but I ended up holding her. I knew this was it, this was the end, the last time I would ever have the opportunity to tell her I love her. The saying "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world," always comes to mind when I think of that day. She was my world, and I hers, and that one small act of kindness has carried me through all these years of pain.

I was terrified of living without her, how on Earth would I make it? No teenage girl could possibly live without their mother, but here I was being thrown into a world unlike anything I'd ever experienced; this would be my new life, like it or not. What I didn't realize then, was she was just as scared of leaving me to live without her. Now, i know the truth. She is always with me: she is never further than my heart. With this little seemingly meaningless piece of knowledge, my life has just changed by leaps and bounds. I am proud to be her daughter, I feel thankful for what we had, and grateful to be able to call her my mom. My only dream is to be like her someday, to raise my children to know how much I love them, make good decisions, and to never be scared to live without me because I am with them always.

My baby is growing up!

Laila is turning 4 and I find it to be so bittersweet. The things she has accomplished and learned in such a short time is an inspiration to me, and I'm so proud to be her mom. She is enjoying preschool, making new friends, and learning so much! She can write her first and last name, count to twenty, and knows all her shapes and colors. She is so compassionate, and wants to share her knowledge, caring, and joy with everyone. She's growing into the little girl I never dreamed of having, but wouldn't trade for the world. Watching her turn from my baby into a beautiful little girl is the easiest and hardest job I've ever had to do. I can remember the first time I smelled her skin, when she first said "momma" and how proud she was when she first used the big girl potty. Now her milestones are so much more monumental, it seems. She has outgrown her toddler bed, started preschool, and now I answer to "Mom". She knows nothing but how to love, and is the best big sister Kenadi could ask for; that alone makes me feel like I can mark this down as a job well done. I may be clueless, but I know she is depending on me to show her the way, and she makes it easy to figure out. I feel as though we are teaching each other the way to live this adventure we call life, and we are doing a fine job.

I could never thank her enough for all that she has taught me in the short 4 years of her life. If I tried to tell her how much she means to me, how much she has changed me, I would fail miserably. There are not words to express everything she has taught me, there is no way to thank her for every smile, and not enough hugs and kisses to show her how much it means to me when she says "I love you, Mommy". Her patience is inspirational, her laugh is contagious, and her heart is so big, at times, it's overflowing. She finds happiness in the simpliest things: the sun is shining, a sporadic trip to starbucks, or a sticker from the bank teller. Who would have thought something so small would make her entire day? Amazing. Truly amazing.

I find myself depending on her as much as I know she depends on me. The relationship we have is almost like that of two old friends, or sisters, that have known each other their whole lives. Isn't it funny, we really have known each other her whole life, and it's a great feeling, almost like I can hardly wait for more. She is my emotional support beam, and I am hers as well. Without each other, we are nothing, but together, we are unstoppable. There's nothing we can't accomplish together, and I have no one but her to thank for it.

Laila, Mommy loves you.

Make New Friends...but Keep the Old

Last night I finally broke down and decided enough was enough. I was taking some well needed (and deserved) time out for myself, no husband, no kids, just me. I went to a friend's house for a mom's night out of drinks, snacks, games, and loads of laughter. My face still hurts from laughing so hard! The night was full of making fools of ourselves, eating way too much, and drinking chilled alcoholic beverages with no one asking for a sip, taste, or trying to weasle their little sausage fingers into your food for a bite. Yum. It was a dream come true for me, I met with a few familiar faces, and made some new friends along the way. Going out last night was one of the best things I've ever done for myself, I plan on enjoying safe, healthy fun like this more often!

I must admit, I was a bit nervous leaving Laila and Kenadi home, I knew I would be returning shortly, but not until after bedtime. I can count on one hand the number of times I have left either of them with a "sitter" (who just so happens to be my friend, not just some jabroni I hired to make some extra cash) since I decided to stay at home and be a full time mom. I was sure it was a recipe for disaster, but upon my return home, I doubt I could have been more pleased! The girls were both tucked in their beds, safe and sound, the house was still in once piece, and not a single thing out of place. The thanks and appreciation I have for Beth is something I will never be able to put into words.

I never realized how important the people in my life really are to me. I know we all have "family", our God given blood relatives, but I believe that only goes so far. I believe your family are the friends you choose carefully to share your joy and sadness with, good times and hardships, who will undoubtably be there through it all. I hope some of the friends I have made through this journey we call life will become the family I have chosen for myself. If they will take me, I would love to call them my own.

Welcome!

Welcome everyone and thanks for joining us! This is all new to me, so please bear with me as I get things going! I hope everyone can follow along with us on the journey of our lives, as our children grow and our love for each other expands! We always have a lot going on, so stay tuned! Thanks for stopping by, and we'll see you again real soon!