Disconnect, or Favortism?

I sat down to write a card to Dustin's aunt, to which one, I will not say. Last night, as I was writing the card about how we're all doing and expressing how much we all miss her, I got to thinking. She sends us cards on a pretty regular basis, asking how the kids are and telling us how things are with her, but they're never addressed to me. Half the time, when my name is mentioned inside the card, it's misspelled. There must be some sort of disconnect going on, to just let these things slide.

I let my mind wander a bit and thought about the savings bonds and checks the girls have received for birthdays and other holidays. Again, not a single one has had my name on it. Every check made out to Dustin, every bond listing him as the adult, and every envelope in care of him. The most recent occurence was Laila's birthday, and, I hate to say this, her name was even spelled wrong. I was sick to my stomach at the mere thought of it, I thought for sure after 5 years they might just get it right.

Thinking back even further, certain things began itching in my mind. Birthdays when we lived back home, they were never equal. Laila and her older sister Riley had birthdays just over a month apart. Laila never quite received the same treatment as Riley, I suppose they all felt sorry for her having "two homes" so she got twice the presents. How that seems fair is beyond me. The excuses I heard were endless, my all time favorite was they had a better chance to bond with her since her mom left her with them for days at a time. As a parent, I always felt it was my job to keep my child home and safe, not to leave her with others for days on end because I "needed a break". I get my break when my children are sleeping, soundly in their own beds.

I can remember one incident, so vividly, when I had a talk with one of his aunt's about Riley's mom. I was told by one of her that no matter what, she'll always love Riley's mom, and every time she sees her, she makes sure to give her a hug and tell her she loves her. That felt great, right after our engagement, hearing basically how I'll never be the only one, I'll never be enough. Talk about playing favorites.

With the recent events of Laila's diabetes, I received numerous phone calls from many family and friends. One call in particular will always stand out in my mind. Dustin's aunt called and asked to speak with him, and though he refused many times, she called him anyway. She told me she felt she had to talk to him, since she's all he has. I have never felt more embarrassed, hurt, disgusted, and disrespected in my whole life. Thank goodness my husband told her the same thing, he didn't want to talk to her, and he had me. I just couldn't believe it when those words were spoken to me, I guess sometimes it takes people a phone call and thousands of miles to feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

Since that day, I've only spoken to one member in Dustin's family. Not that I hold this against all of them, but I feel so calloused and hurt. I feel as though I'll never be welcomed, fully. I've been there through the good, the bad, the ugly and the happiness, but for some reason, it's just not quite enough. I'm not sure that it ever will be, and I'm comfortable with that.

When you get married, have children, buy a home, this becomes your family. Your children, your spouse, they are the family you support through the bad times and laugh with through the good. You encompass yourself with those you love and cherish every moment with. Some individuals believe I ripped Dustin away from his "home", I forced him to leave his family behind. Others know the truth, we are in this together. Things have not exactly been easy, we have had our fair share of struggles, but never once have we ran home with our tails between our legs. We have each other, and through the thick and thin, that always seems to be enough. Maybe, one day, it will be enough for everyone else, too. Until then, I have said my peace, and I've picked my favorite.