Move Along

I truly believe people step in and out of your life at just the right time, even if you don't always know why when it's happening. In my life, friends have come and gone, bridges have been burnt and even rebuilt again, sometimes stronger the second time around. I used to wonder why that is, how things can change and the world keeps turning. Then, I grew up.

When I lived in Saint Joseph, MI, I felt like I was suffocating. I literally felt as though I couldn't breathe, someone was holding my head under water and I couldn't break free. Finally, I was able to move away and start a life as the person I didn't even know I was. The small city I came from, everyone knew me, or about me. They knew my husband, my dad, my sister or brothers. There were expectations, some of them for things I never wanted for myself. So when I moved away, I didn't run from anything, I wasn't looking for a place to hide, rather, a place to blossom. Now that I have moved away, I realize just what I was missing, inside and out.

In the process of moving, I had to leave everything and everyone I knew behind. To say it wasn't easy would be an understatement. I knew I was changing, and it seemed as though good old Saint Joseph was standing still, right along with everyone in it. Unfortunately, for me to grow, I had to move on and move along, and I lost some great people in my life through that journey. I can admit, I wouldn't have changed anything. The  reality of things are basic, what you see is what you get. The possibility of figuring out something so simple, yet so profound, without having to move away are slim to none.

The struggles sometimes make me question the worth of the decisions I have made. I have not only uprooted myself, but I have put distance between myself and others that some are not willing to cross. Keep in mind, I don't just mean the miles. Though I know I'm not fully responsible for the strain some of my relationships have experienced, I can't help myself from believing things would have stayed the same if I chose to stay put. However, I couldn't stay, I wouldn't have been myself, or the person I choose to be today. 

Over the last few days, I have caught up with friends I thought I'd never speak to again. I found myself opening up about things I would never share with just anyone, and it was comforting. Rebuilding bridges I thought had burned and blown away, or maybe starting from scratch, no matter what you call it, it was nice. Knowing I'm not the only one who has ever felt trapped is a feeling unlike no other. Getting to know myself all over again has given me the opportunity to get to know these others as though they were new people, too. Giving each other time to grow and explore ourselves within has brought out not only who we were, but who we have grown into.

Let us not forget the accomplishemts I've made by moving away. The bonds I've created, the friendships I've made, the time I've been able to spend with my children, these are the opportinuties I live for. I know I wouldn't have been in the position to stay at home full time, buy a house and turn it into a home, or create the memories I have since I moved away. I know I've left a lot behind, but the worry, stress, and discomfort can stay put, I'm not afraid to move along without it.