I feel as though I haven't had much to write about lately, my life feels mundane, boring. I don't get excited about anything anymore, it's just a waiting game. Waiting to feel better. Waiting for something to change. I have tried to be the change I want to see, but I'm tired. Not sleepy, not drowsy-tired. I give and give, my requests in return are small, but somehow always overlooked. Please, I beg, take the empty shirt hanger and put it with the others. Put the wet towel in the basket, not next to it. Take your dirty tissue and put it in the trash, don't just leave it bunched up on the arm of the couch. No luck. Mom gets the back burner.
Today, I watched Kenadi sleep. I looked at her and wondered to myself, who is this person and why does she call me mom? I have no idea how I ended up here, I have no clue what I'm doing! I have no family here, I can't call my mom to ask for advice, so my children are being raised by trial and error. Who is to say I won't completely ruin their lives? If I'm 25 and I still don't have any idea who I am or what I want, how do I know what's best for them? I just pray for some guidance. Maybe one day.
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Sweetie, even with a mom to call for advice we're ALL doing this by trial and error! You're doing great though, hang in there! Call me whenever!
ReplyDeleteGirl, at 29 I am still in the same boat. I live day to day and try what I think works. If it didnt work one day I try something else.
ReplyDeleteI know you are a great mother!! If you need to talk ever let me know. Luv Ya.