World's Worst Mother

I just can't take it anymore. This morning, Laila pushed me to the limit, and I am just at my wits end. I don't know what to do with myself. I am sitting here, in tears, thinking about the hatred I saw in my daughter's eyes, and wonder how it ever got there. Clearly, it must be from me.

This morning started like any other morning, even though I prayed before I went to sleep things would be different, even for 5 minutes today. Every day seems like the worst day of my life. I wonder what curve ball she'll throw at me, how I'll dodge it, and why in the world she's doing this.

I officially lost my cool this morning. Every little thing has set me off, and she's being so deliberate about her behavior, I just couldn't take it. I've taken away her toys, the tv, playdates, and nothing. I put her in her room and she just screams and gets into things, I can't stand there and watch her to make sure she's sitting quietly on her bed, so I resorted to the corner. Now, you would think that's a pretty self explainatory punishment, you stand there and be quiet. Trust me, even Laila finds a way to misbehave. She was looking around, playing with the blinds, kicking her legs, inside of 5 minutes she got yelled at 3 times. What gives around here?

Dustin tells me all the time how Laila is an exact mirror of me. This sent me into a depression unlike any other. If she's like me, and all I can see is hatred in her eyes, what example is it I'm giving her? He tells me all the time she has my attutide, she's stubborn and mean, and she'll do whatever she wants no matter the cost. She's received some pretty severe spankings, and you would think after enough of those, she'd shape up. Nada. I wish I had the money to hire a therapist, or just to send her to family for a week, or even a day. Everyone tells me how wonderful she is, it gets old. Fast. I feel like a complete and total failure.

It has been now over an hour since I placed her in the corner. She is so mean and stubborn, she refuses to answer me or give me the time of day. What kind of monster have I created? What 4 year old would rather stand in the corner and do nothing all day then just spit out a stupid answer and be on her way? I am just baffled by this. I am in total shock by her behavior. I am really out of answers here.

The part that's the most frustrating is hearing everyone else tell me what I need to be doing with her. I'm sorry, but everyone else's child is not perfect either. I've seen it all-kids that hit, bite, talk back, scream and fight over nothing, even tell their parents they hate them at the age of 5 years old. This will NOT be Laila. I will not allow it. And these are the parents offering ME the parenting advice! Right, let me get right on that. So, it seems, she'll be spending a fair amount of time in the corner. Such is life, I guess. If she wants to be stubborn, and she learned it from me, she's got another thing coming.

And the word for world's WORST MOTHER goes to...yup, you guessed it. Me.