What to do, what to do?

Yesterday afternoon, Dustin, the girls and I were shopping at Wal*Mart when Kenadi threw up. She was coughing a dry sort of cough and couldn't stop, she threw up twice. She had a children's cough drop and was still smiling and playing as usual, so I figured she was fine. She's a kid, things happen.

Last night, it started again. She was out cold, sound asleep, and then started choking so hard she threw up twice. I was so concerned, I called my dad to ask his opinion. After raising 10 children, I was sure he'd know the answer. He just said to keep an eye on her overnight and see how she's doing in the morning. The "Urgent Care" facility in Maricopa is a joke, it closes at 6pm and doesn't take our insurance. The nearest emergency room is 20 miles away, and again, a joke. After throwing up, she passed out and had to be woke up at 9:30am, what a great night's sleep she had! Dustin and I thought she was fine, so we skipped trying to get her into the doctor.

Tonight, sound asleep, Kenadi started choking again. That same dry, nasty cough where she can't catch her breath and she throws up. This time, she only threw up once, and I think it was more spit than anything, no food or other liquids came out. She's eaten well today, had a big plate at dinner, plenty of snacks, and has no fever or other symptoms. So my dad calls and hears her choking in the background, and read me the riot act. I have never felt so bad about my parenting style and choices as I do right at this very moment. He told me I am nothing but selfish, mean, and lazy. He expects me to literally sit up all night holding Kenadi-whether she's awake or asleep-and watch her. I was then ordered to pack her up at 6:45am and bolt out the door the instant Dustin gets home and drive to her doctor's office in Casa Grande, unsure if her doctor will be able to see her, or if her doctor's even in the office, and demand she be seen. Not to mention Dustin will have been at work since 6pm tonight, he will have had no sleep, and Laila will be up soon and need caring for-I'm just supposed to leave her here with him. When I get to Casa Grande, I am to tell them exactly what's happened and get the best possible care, because there's something in her lungs that's possibly killing her.

Now, under normal circumstances, I would stay up with her all night, drive her to the doctor, pay the co-pay, and find out exactly what's going on, but I don't feel like there's anything seriously wrong. I know, I'm way under experienced with raising children, this is only my second, but a mother is a mother...and I think I'm doing a fine job. As I sit here, Kenadi is asleep, soundly, on the couch next to me. In a few minutes, I will pick her up and set her softly in her crib, and she'll probably sleep all night. Tomorrow will be another normal, cough free day, and I'm sure she'll be fine. So, what do I do? Try to get her into the doctor tomorrow, on the off chance this happens again? Or stay home, and stick with my gut instincts?

When you're a mother, your child is your number one priority, and I think that goes for every single minute of every single day, so why is it someone can walk in and say some hurtful words and make me feel like this? I live for these kids, and no one will make me feel like I'm not doing my best. Damn it, I do the best I can every minute of every day, because it's my job. Not because I have to, but because I want to.