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I never know where to begin, how to explain my feelings, or the reasons behind them. I am always nervous I'll share too much, or perhaps I'm too vague, leaving you with questions that will never be answered.

Last night, Evelien moved out. As I sit here, and I type it, it becomes even more real. Her room is empty, the bathroom is void of her personal effects, and the house seems just a little quieter. Somehow, some way, I feel as though a weight has been lifted.

Evelien is a great kid, she does well in school, she's beautiful, fun, and spunky. She has so much to offer, I hope she does great in life, whatever she chooses to do. I see no reason for anything but success, and I hope she always stays happy.

When I decided to embark on this journey, I thought more of myself and my desires, and less of those of my family. I feel as though this was an amazing experience, but not something we were as prepared for as we thought. Our children are small, requiring lots of attention-time, money, energy-and there are times I feel spent just dealing with them, let alone worrying constantly about a teenager running around with her friends. I remember what it's like to be 17, and boy, it wasn't always peaches and cream.

I hope Evelien understands and knows deep down this is for the best, and I love her dearly. She touched my life in such a way she will always be a part of me. Her new host family should be overjoyed to have such an amazing girl, I hope she understands her own self worth. A slice of my heart is broken, I feel as though I've disappointed her, ruined her vision of America, but I know deep down this is for the best. She's more than just a built-in babysitter, she's more than just a teenager needing a place to fit in-she's a person with needs and feelings, and I'm glad to have known her when I did.

Evelien, I hope America is everything you dreamed of. I pray you remember this experience and the laughs we shared, and the time we spent together. I know one day you'll succeed, your life is truly going places, and I'm so proud to have been a part of it. Thank you for everything you shared with me, and the lessons we both learned.  Take care of yourself, and be safe.

Love,
Joli