Nessa

I've been pondering this post for over a week now, I want it to be just right. I don't know where to begin, how to end it, or what to say in between. I even contemplated keeping the visit to myself, holding the memories close to my heart and not sharing them with another soul, as long as I live. Deciding that wouldn't be fair, I'm going to give it my best shot. Here I go, so wish me luck.

Moving to Las Vegas was an adventure I'll never forget. Packing up my life and leaving my home behind, I've never been more scared. No friends, an apartment I'd never seen, a job that wasn't guaranteed, and a little money left to our name, I had no idea how we were going to make it. As soon as Dustin found a job, we needed a babysitter. Talk about head-spinning, nerve wracking, nail biting work-finding someone to care for your child, someone you've never met, yet trust your life with, it seemed impossible. My brother, Mark, introduced me to craigslist, and in such a large city, it seemed like the possibilities were endless. Live in nanny's, daycare, stay at home mom's, I had so many choices, how would I ever find the right one?

After interviewing Nessa, something in my gut told me I hit the jackpot. A little girl Laila's age to play with, a little boy, a mom and dad, and another baby on the way, this was magical. Laila loved going over to Nessa's house, even gave me a hard time about leaving! What was supposed to be just a few minimal hours a week turned into afternoon errands, date nights, and trust I never dreamed of finding.

The entire year I lived in Vegas, I didn't think twice to ask Nessa to hang out. I assumed I was the kind of person she wasn't interested in hanging out with, she didn't seem up to socializing, and I didn't want to embarrass myself by trying to make friends. She seemed to have a perfect life-she was a stay at home mom, she had 2 beautiful children and another one on the way, a man that worked hard for her and she seemed so happy. Everything she had, I always wanted. Little did I know as jealous of her life as I was, she was feeling the same things about me. I had no idea what went on behind closed doors, and in the years since I moved away, I have learned more about Nessa, our friendship, and myself.

There are things you go through in life that you would never wish up on anyone, even your worst enemy. If you persevere through the hard times, the good times seem so much better. It's when you find someone who has been through the same things you have, and persevered, that your bond intensifies and you feel a closeness you never knew existed. Nessa and I share that bond, one that has left us scarred and in a position to feel weak, vulnerable, and nervous at any given moment-but one that has also left us proud, strong, and independent. It has taken years for us to realize what we have found in each other, but I'm glad we have.

Last week when our family went to Las Vegas, we had the opportunity to meet up with Nessa again. Though it's been a long time, it felt as though it was just days ago that she was my babysitter and I was dropping off Laila at her house. She has since moved on, married an amazing man, and had more gorgeous children I was finally able to smooch in person. Knowing where she's been, and seeing where she is now, made my heart swell. She is doing fabulous, and seeing her happy made me happy. No one should have to work for another's love, it should come naturally, and in abundance. The dynamic of Nessa's marriage speaks volumes about her new found self respect, and her compassionate character. She has put her children first, made her family a priority, and let love fill in the blanks. Watching our kids play together was so bittersweet, knowing they could be so close, but we live so far away, was a feeling I never thought I'd have. My heart was breaking, and glowing at the same time. The conversation flowed easy, there was never an awkward moment, like we've been doing this for years. Filling in the gaps didn't take long, it was like we picked up right where we left off. Keeping in touch is something I vowed to do, and I'm so glad we have.

When the time came to leave, I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I wore make-up, I tried cracking jokes and laughing, but when I headed to the door, I completely lost control of myself. My heart was feeling so many things, I had no other way to express myself. The tears flowed like buckets of rain, pouring from both of us. We hugged, squeezed each other tight, and cried like babies. Dustin took the kids to the car for me as I said my goodbyes, but before I could leave, I went back and hugged her one last time. I wanted her to know, above all else, she meant the world to me. Our friendship has blossomed into almost a sisterhood, I know I can be honest, true, and real and never for a second feel judged or out of place. I'm so thankful for the day Nessa walked into my life. She's more than an inspiration, she's my friend.


Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss.

Olivia

Olivia

Natalie

Natalie

Olivia and Lil D! Sweet lovins!

Kenadi and Audrey

Audrey

Audrey and Olivia

Anthony Jr.