Running Away

I feel as though I have to defend myself, yet again. The decisions I make, the ones of the past, and the ones of the future, they're my decisions, and will affect only myself and my family. I have not been hasty, I have thought them through and done what I feel is best for us as a whole, and for the long haul.

The past few years haven't been easy, and I know the ones to come are going to be just as tough. Moving across the United States, having more children, buying a house, these are all huge committments, and have taken some serious thought and consideration. As I'm sure many of you know, I have a step-daughter, and she lives in Michigan. She's 5 1/2, and leaving her was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Without the support of my friends and family, it's something I doubt Dustin and I could have done. My heart is saddened by the way some people have reacted, and hurt by the things that have been said. I never asked to be "the other woman", but now that I am, my heart hurts knowing what a sad and sorry life Riley is being handed.

I want to take this opportunity to let each and every person who has doubted us that we feel we have made the best decision for our family. The economy in Michigan is one of the worst in the U.S. We were living in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with Laila, and having Riley every other weekend, with barely any room for the 4 of us to eat dinner, let alone visit and enjoy each other's company. We had decided early on we wanted more for ourselves, and cell phone sales just wasn't going to pay the bills and get us out of the situation we were in. We moved west, to Vegas, and started a new life for ourselves. The last thing we did was "run away", especially from Riley. There was no way thing were going to look up for us there, and I find it far from fair to have to limit myself, Dustin, or Laila, because Riley's mom has made bad choices. Dustin and I were together before Riley was born, and have been since. Things did not end smoothly for them, but it was not in vain. We now have a beautiful family, a wonderful marriage, and a long life ahead of us.

In Vegas, we found better jobs, more money, a bigger place, and things started to look better. After a year, Dustin got another job offer and we moved to Arizona. Not my idea of a good time, but I made a vow to stand by my husband, good or bad, and along I went, again, making hard decisions for my self and my family. Things are close to perfect, but not a day goes by that I don't miss that little girl's face.

I receive updates occasionally from family or friends, and they're never good. No true mother puts themselves first, no one who cares deeply for their unborn child will go drinking knowing good and well they're pregnant, smoke throughout the pregnancy, and continue to shuffle their child off to anyone who's available. What happened to spending valuable time with your daughter? Almost 6 years old and struggling to hold a pencil, no education or values being instilled, it almost makes me sick. I see where Laila is, and where Riley could be, and it breaks my heart. I believe a child doesn't have to follow in their parent's footsteps, they can break the cycle, but there has to be a good upbringing, and there has to be a want for something better. Living a life of someone without children, when you have a daughter that depends on your every move, is so selfish. That little girl is more than a child support payment to buy a pack of cigarettes with, or to go to the bar with your girlfriend with, she's a human with feelings. She's more than a tax credit or an excuse, she's your life...or she should be.

We have asked, begged, pleaded to be able to see Riley since our initial move, and all has been denied. Obviously, if you've heard any of this story before, you know I ripped my husband away from his daughter and forced him to stay away from her. December 2009 we were in Michigan, and Riley had the opportunity to meet her little sister, and her mom said no. Why? Because she didn't "want to deal with her" after we left and came back to AZ. It sounds to me like if anyone is running away, it's her. Sad, absolutely...but even more sadly, from her, it's expected.