My sister, my angel

There are days when I feel like I have no one, nothing to cling to, and a past that's left me in shambles. I'm sure everyone can relate, we all have skeletons in our closet, the demons that haunt our dreams, but we also have the angels that live among us, put here to pull us back to reality and remind us who we are and why we're here. You may see them every day and never know it's them, you might not talk to them often or never give them a second glance, or maybe, just maybe, you're one of the lucky ones to realize you are blessed with someone special in your life.



Tonight, and many nights, I feel blessed to know that someone in my life. I'm not one to single anyone out, or pick favorites, but the memories I have of my sister, Dawn, have brought me through some of the toughest times of my life. Obviously, growing up together has brought us close, and though miles have kept us apart, her spirit stays with me. We don't talk every day, or even every week, but when I need a shoulder to cry on, a question answered, or just to hear a familiar voice reminding me to take a deep breath, and that I'm not alone, I know she's always there. Time and distance make no difference, she's always there.

There are many firsts I've experienced that she has shared with me, and even some firsts I was able to sneak my way into watching her experience, too. I remember so many things about my childhood: the first time I spent the night with her in her dorm room, the first time she ever sent me real mail, and the first time my heart was ever broken. The firsts of my adult life: graduating, moving, driving, she was there for every one of them. These are the things that bring a smile to my face when I need a pick-me-up, but it's the firsts we experienced together that make our bond so strong. Losing our mom together is always the first thing that comes to mind, it was the most tragic event I've ever lived through, and because of her, I'm still living through it. Having her by my side 13 years ago, and still today, makes it manageable. It never gets easier, just different, and without someone to talk to through all these years, I doubt I would be the person I am today. For this, I am forever grateful.



Some of the best firsts happened for both of us, just different times, and different places. Our first children were born 5 years apart, one boy, one girl. I am her son, Joshua's, Godmother, and I am proud to say she's Laila's Godmother too. Luckily, this is one first I got to watch her experience and take notes on to try to better myself. We have had some of the same teachers in school, thankfully, she got them before I did! She's been able to pave the road for me in many ways, but she still let me branch out on my own and experience everything for myself, even if it meant an unpleasant outcome. It's been great to have someone to talk to about my first time changing a diaper, failing an exam, and falling in love.


With the age gap (no, Dawn, I'll never tell!) between us, the things we've done and enjoyed together had to be age appropriate for the both of us. Not only did she take me to my first concert, but it was a first for the both of us, we saw Hansen! We've seen many bands for the first time together, and I remember them all with a smile. I can remember so many things we've tried cooking, baking, and eating together, songs we listened to, and new stores we've shopped in, all firsts, and always fun.I look back on those firsts fondly.

 We may share inside jokes, books, recipes, and advice, but we also share laughter, thoughts, and memories that will last us a lifetime. We are forever bonded, and to me, my sister will always be an angel walking next to me, even through the hardest times of my life. I've never been the type of person to say my thank you's, and I rarely ever say I'm sorry, but my pride wont get in the way of letting her know she means the world to me.


I love you, sis.

Even if you are a nerd! =)