Fed up

I have been holding this in for some time now, and I think I've finally been pushed to my breaking point. I've reached my limit on how much I can swallow and just let go. If you get in the way of the firing range, I'm sorry, but I've put up with enough.


I may not have a "real job", but damn it, I do work. I maintain this house to the best of my ability. I take care of my kids, they are always clean, fed, and taken care of in the best way I know how. I make sure the bills are paid on time and in full, I do the grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. I don't depend on my children to take care of the house, or anything of the sort. By no means do I feel I'm "better" than anyone, but I do feel for my age, I am quite mature and I have my priorities straight. I have never been without a vehicle, food, a home, or the things they need or want. I will admit, I depend on my husband's paycheck when they come in, but we are in this marriage, and this life 100/100, not 50/50. We each put every bit of ourselves into this marriage, and we each bring different things. Just because I don't bring in a paycheck doesn't mean I don't pay the bills, just because Dustin doesn't change every diaper doesn't make him any less of a father, either.


I am 25 years old, and I may not have been through everything the next person has, but I have been through my fair share of toils and troubles. I choose to share certain things with certain people. I think their lack of knowledge about me has caused them to judge me, for my age, for my experiences, and from their own problems. No, it's not right, but I refuse to defend myself. I will not stand to be judged by anyone, for any reason. If someone wants to form opinons about me, they have every right, but I have every right to do the same. I will not act like a child, I will not play games. I may be 10 years younger than some of my friends, but the things I have accomplished prove age is nothing but a number.


I have been thinking long and hard, and have tried to form a decent opinion about things such as unemployment, state aid, and things of that nature. Dustin and I talked about it last week, and we are on the same page. We have agreed there is a big stigma attached to things like welfare, and unfortunately I have come across some people in my life who make that stigma what it is. Sitting at home collecting unemployment is one thing, but getting out there and looking for a job when you're unemployed is another. I think unemployment is a fabulous thing, it is there to help you, but not support your lifestyle. We are homeowners, again, I don't think this makes me any better than anyone else, but I don't have to lie about it. When there's a for sale sign in your front yard, and your name's not on the house, it's pretty obvious you're lying. When you have to lie to get food stamps, you know you're in trouble. I would never dream of asking for help I don't absolutely, positively need. I may not be eating surf 'n' turf every night for dinner, but I make sure what we have we can afford, we can pay for, and that makes it the best thing I've ever eaten.


I am angry, hurt, and upset that my husband works his ass off to pay for others to sit at home and abuse the system. I have sacraficed a lot for my kids, and for my husband. I would love to go out and buy him a motorcycle on someone else's buck, but I won't. I would love to go get my nails done every week, I wish I could hop in my car and just drive away, let my kids take care of each other and never worry about a thing, but that's unrealistic. Beggars can't be choosers. If the day ever comes that I decide to go back to work, I'm not going to limit myself to a job in a certain field, or something at a certain dollar amount. A job is a job, you're more employable when you're employed, and if that means starting off at the bottom of the ladder, I'm never to proud to do so. I know at the end of the day, when my bills are paid, when my kids are asleep, and when I go to rest my head at night, I have done the right thing. I have worked my hardest, given it my best shot, and damn it, that's more than I can say for some people. I have my parents to thank for an honest up bringing, and my husband to thank for his faith, trust, and belief in me and our marriage. Our life together is splended, the only thing it's missing is jealousy, and that's ok by me.