Skeletons

Everyone has them, skeletons in the closet, secrets, things we're ashamed of or wish never happened. But what about the things you enjoyed, but knew were wrong? Everyone has done something that they knew was so wrong, but felt so damn right at the time. What happens to those memories? If they're wrong, you don't share them often, or maybe not ever, but you liked them, loved them even, and you have to surpress them. They get eaten alive, washed away, hidden, maybe even lost. Then, one day, you're folding clothes, driving in the car, pumping gas, maybe you catch a whiff of someone at the store or hear a song on the radio, and one of those memories creeps back up into your head and you sit there, shell shocked, wondering what to do with yourself. This, is where I find myself sitting right now.

Life takes so many changes, so many forks in the road, how will you ever know if you picked the right one? How different my life may have been had I not made the choices I made that brought me to where I am today. I have entertained the idea of where I'd be without kids, if I had stayed in school longer, got a degree maybe, or never moved out west. I have made some relationships that have lasted through all these adventures, and there have been some that have sabotaged others. I struggle with the unknown, the "what if" and "maybe"'s of life, which is what brings me back to the state that I'm in. There are moments I have pushed so far to the back of my mind, and even tried convincing myself didn't happen, but they are working their way to the front of my mind at full speed tonight.

There are people I have spent time with that may never know the extent of my feelings for them, or how I may have felt for them in the past. There are people who have been hurt or wronged by me and misunderstandings never got resolved, and now relationships are severed and ruined. There's no taking it back, any of it, good or bad, I just hope I can work through these feelings and memories, sooner rather than later.